Itami
by ThisKittyPurrs
Summary: Inuyasha returns home after years of being away with no contact with anyone. He hopes to find closure by returning. The familiarity reminds him at every turn the tragedy that turned his world upside down. He knows he has to face the demons of his past in order to move on. He's just terrified of facing that reality. SessInu. M-preg.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

* * *

Inuyasha was running.

From his memories. The pain. From the disappointment of the people he once knew. From those eyes. He didn't wanna see the look he knew he'd see in those eyes.

He was running, but he couldn't anymore.

He didn't have the energy. The will to keep going. It all seemed so pointless now. He'd lost the loves of his life. He didn't even know exactly what it was he was running from anymore. Just everything that'd ever hurt him in his past. They all seemed to blur into one another. All connected in his mind's eye.

He was losing himself. He was having trouble figuring out where he began and ended.

He needed to go back home. He needed the closure, something he'd never given himself because he hadn't thought himself worthy. Even now, he felt he didn't deserve the peace of mind but he was at his wits end. He couldn't take it anymore.

He was going home. The place he'd left from in the first place.

* * *

Inuyasha looked around the airport with slow eyes, taking in the familiarity of it all. He'd boarded a plane all those years back without a backwards glance. Now he was back in Tokyo. Back to the place where so many things had happened.

He flagged down a taxi once he left the building. They loaded his things before they took of for the address the hanyou had supplied the human. He took in the sights, seeing new things that hadn't been before he left the city.

The closer they got to the address, the more nervous he became. It'd been ten years since he'd seen them. A shot of fear went through him as he thought of the less than welcoming reception he could possibly receive. Not that he'd hold it against them at all. He hadn't reached out to them in all the time he'd been gone. He could be dead as far as they knew.

He didn't even know if they still lived in the same home. This was all just chance.

His leaned against the window as the homes of the neighborhood started to seem familiar. He smiled as he saw Ms. Kaede's old place, remembering the time he'd fell off of his bike and the older woman had run out of her home to see what was wrong. That was the first time he'd ever met the dark haired woman.

He looked towards the opposite window, seeing the house he'd had his first kiss beside. With a little red haired demon boy who was nothing more than a distant memory.

He saw him his childhood home, looking up at the massive two story house. The taxi stopped before the driveway and he watched the door, wondering if anyone would come out at their arrival.

"We're here sir. That's fixty-six dollars and seventy cents."

Inuyasha grabbed his wallet and took out three twenty dollar bills, telling him to keep the change. He opened the door, the driver going around to the trunk to get his stuff. Inuyasha took it from him before sending him off with a goodbye. The taxi pulled off and he turned back to the house. He took a quick breath before making his up the driveway and towards the front door. He sat his things off to the side and knocked on the door. He backed away, nervousness filling him as he waited for someone to make an appearance. He made to knock again but heard footsteps coming closer from the other side. He quickly brushed a hand over his hair as the doorknob turned, the door being pulled open.

His heart tried beating out of his chest when he saw her. There was no mistaking those clear brown eyes. Her long gray hair as beautiful as it'd been when it once held a deep midnight color. Only the roots a reminder of the coloring it'd once been.

She was smaller now. Appearing a lot more frail than when he'd seen her last. Her face adorned with soft folds in her skin. One could tell she'd been very beautiful in her youth.

The human woman turned her brown eyes up to him, voice soft. "Yes. Can I help y-"

Her eyes widened, her hands coming up in a clasp before her mouth with a gasp. She watched him and he tried for a smile. "Mom."

"Inuyasha? Is that really you?" She breathed.

"It's really me." His voice cracked, a stinging sensation welling up from behind his eyes.

She walked forward, slow in her moments as she stared up at him in amazement. Tears welled up in her eyes, running down her cheeks as she took in a sight she feared she'd never see again.

Her hand came forward towards him, slightly trembling as she reached for his sleeve. "My child. Your really here."

He didn't know if he had the right to do what he did next, but he pulled her into a hug. Hearing the sad wonder in her tone made his heart break. He did this to her. His knew his leaving had caused her pain. Her and many others.

She brought her arms up around him, her hold as tight as she could grasp. It saddened him a bit. He missed so many years of her life, seeing her like this didn't sit well with him. His mother was considered an old woman now in human years. He remembered when he noticed just a few streaks of gray in her hair. He couldn't rewind the time. An ability he'd wished he'd had a lot over these past ten years. Everything would've turned out so differently if he had.

"Oh Inuyasha. I prayed for the chance to see you again but I thought.. We didn't know what happened to you. We didn't know."

"I'm so sorry." He told her, voice cracking as the tears spilled.

"Sh. Don't cry. We don't need to discuss it now. You have no idea how happy I am that I get to see you. To hold you like this. Just let me hold you."

Inuyasha fell quiet, laying his head on his mother's shoulder. He felt every bit like the child she always made him feel like while in her arms. He felt her heartbeat against him, still strong despite her appearance now. Enjoyed her heat, the feel of her bringing a bit of the peace he hadn't felt in a long time.

"I missed you so much Inuyasha. You've made this old woman very happy."

He pulled away, looking down at her. "Your just as beautiful as I remember you being."

She smiled. "Your supposed to say that. I'm your mother."

Inuyasha managed a small laugh. "I missed you too ma. I missed you and daddy. I eve-"

He stopped at the sadness that suddenly entered her eyes. Tears welling anew in her soft brown. She didn't have to say it. He knew something was wrong.

"What happened?"

She shook her head, bringing her hands up to wipe the tears from her eyes. "Let's go inside."

He bent down to pick up his luggage and followed her inside. He looked around, only a few minor changes to the home he remembered. He looked to the fireplace, seeing the framed photo of a little silver haired demoness smiling up at the camera for the picture being taken. Her golden eyes wide and happy. He remembered that day. That was taken at the beach.

"Your father.." His mother began, drawing his attention towards her. He moved to sit beside her on the couch. "He died while out on a tour. A big house fire. From what I was told, he died while trying to save a little human girl. One of the support beams fell down, pinning them both. At that point the fire was too out of control to risk sending someone in after them. They never made it out. That was six years ago."

Silent tears ran down his face. "Do you think him dying had anything to do with. . .?"

She shook her head in a shrug. "I don't know son. I wonder the same thing at times. I know he carried a guilt within him when we lost our little Aya. She probably reminded him of our little princess very much."

"Daddy had nothing to feel guilty about. It wasn't his fault."

She looked at him with a sad smile. "Funny how we can say that so easily for others but can't seem to believe it for ourselves."

He looked away with a shake off his head. "It's not the same thing ma."

"Nobody blamed you either but your determined to shoulder all the pain alone. I can't make you see. All I can do is pray that one day you won't hurt so much." She reached over to pat his hand. "Why don't you go freshen up? Your rooms still ready for you. I'm gonna start dinner."

"Kay ma."

She pulled him into a quick hug. "I'm so glad your home." She got up and he watched her walk away. He looked back to the picture over the fireplace, the little girl still smiling. Her little fang on display. He remembered her being so proud of it too.

Inuyasha stood up and walked towards her. He picked up the picture, staring down at her in her little pink one piece bathing suit. Sand covered her legs and arms as she looked up at the lens. Her pointy little ears managing to peek through her curtain of silver strands. The lavender crescent moon on her forehead the only markings on her face that linked her to her demonic heritage. His little princess.

He pressed his lips to the photo before placing it back in its rightful place above the fireplace. He wiped the tears he hadn't even known he was crying. He went and got his things before walking up the stairs. He opened the door to his old bedroom. The same light blue he demanded his parents paint it when he was nothing but a mere child. Wanting to be like all the other neighborhood kids with a painted room. His bed the only thing to be changed over the years. His bookshelf filled with his books from when he'd gone through his insane reading phase in high school. Various other knickknacks and..

He dropped his bags at seeing him. He'd forgotten about this picture.

He stepped closer in a daze, looking at the silver haired pair that looked so happy. He reached out and took it from its perch. He looked down, seeing the taller of the two with his face in the crook of the shorter males neck; face hidden but his lips pulled back revealing his fang. The other boy had his head tilted back in laughter, eyes closed in what appeared to be pure bliss.

It had been. They'd been very happy here.

He hadn't even known the picture was being taken until he'd been stunned at the flash that went off. He remembered looking over to see a dark haired human bring down her phone, grin wide as she waved it teasingly at the two demons. He couldn't remember her name, but she'd been a close friend to the other boy.

He placed the photo back, face down. He turned back to his belongings and began unpacking. He placed the clothes in the dresser, only leaving out a pair of gray sweats and a white T-shirt.

He went out of his room and to the bathroom. He closed the door and began undressing. He looked in the mirror, seeing the red that surrounded his eyes. He looked horrible. All that crying. He was tired of crying.

He turned on the water and walked into the stall once it reached his desired temperature. He put his face under the spray, hoping it would lessen the redness and to wash away the dry feeling over his face.

Inuyasha washed up and got out, not trying to stick around. He was suddenly tired.

He threw on the sweats and shirt before picking up the clothes he'd wore previously. He left the bathroom and went back into his room. He threw the clothes into the hamper that sat in the corner. He whirled to the bed but paused as he thought of the picture frame on his bookshelf. He walked over and picked it back up but turned it around, its back facing the room. He wasn't ready. Not yet.

He went to climb into bed. He stared at the wall, forcing himself to leave his mind blank before he managed to fall asleep.

He woke up later, the lamp from the dresser the only light source in the room. Sure he hadn't turned that on since he'd been here. He looked to the window, no daylight spilling in from the slits of the blinds. He noticed something peculiar on the dresser besides the lamp and got up from his position on the bed.

He smiled at seeing the plastic wrapped plate. It was still warm to the touch, the clear material helping trapping in the warmth of the food. He hadn't heard her come in. He must've been more tired than he thought.

The hanyou felt bad. He hadn't planned on staying asleep that long. He wanted to eat with his mother. Spend that time with her to catch up.

He brought the food back with him to his bed before digging in. He ate, thinking he'd need to find a place. Since he was moving back to Tokyo, he'd need a place of his own. He'd wait a while though. He wanted to be here for the moment.

He wondered if he was being selfish in coming back here. It seemed his mother was happy to see him but would his old friends feel the same? Him coming back home was selfish, just like him leaving had been. To come back and disrupt their lives after being gone all this time. It wasn't fair.

Inuyasha was only really terrified of the reaction of one person in particular. More than the idea of seeing his old friends. Part of the reason he'd left in the first place.

Should he reach out? The other had probably moved on. His coming back could be nothing but a harsh reminder of the past they once shared. Then again, maybe the other needed to see him just as badly. To say what they hadn't had the chance to say before the hanyou disappeared. That was the thought that he held onto. He didn't want to carry this pain around any longer and the thought saddened him that the other could still be hurting just as much as he.

He'd been selfish this long, no point in stopping. Not now anyway. He needed this. He had to see him. It was the only way he could move on.

Still, he was scared. He knew he was just pushing back the inevitable, but he would wait. Build up the courage to see him.

He finished his meal and went downstairs, keeping quite so as not to disturb his mother. He washed his plate before going back up the stairs to the bathroom. He finished up before going back to his room and going back to sleep.

He woke up later in the morning than he was used to. It felt nice, not having to worry about getting up and heading to work. A job he'd done just to feel like he was still a part of the living world. He'd had to keep busy or he would have to think about it.

Inuyasha got up and went to brush his teeth and wash his face. He went downstairs and into the kitchen. Smiling at the way his mother turned to him from her place in front of the stove. Something she'd always done.

"Afternoon Inuyasha."

"It's after noon?" He asked her, taking a seat at the table.

"Yes. That's why I'm cooking later than I usually do. I figured you'd be tired from your trip back."

He stared at her. She never failed to impress him. Always in tune when it came to her only child.

"Thank you for the dinner last night. I'm sorry I fell asleep. I meant to eat with you."

She waved it off. "I know sweetheart. It's fine, really."

Inuyasha bit his lip. "Mom. I want you to know I really am sorry about the way I left. That I never called. I-I missed daddy's funeral. You had to go through that all alone. I'm so sorry."

She sent him a smile but didn't say anything right away. Inuyasha listened to her hum, a sound he hadn't realized he'd miss. He watched her as she loaded two plates with food before making her way to the table. He leaned back as she set one before him and took a seat across from him. She looked to her child, her eyes holding a certain sadness.

"Inuyasha. You don't need to apologize to me. You made the choices that you did and you have to live with them. I'm here to be a shoulder that you can lean on should you ever have a need for it. I'm not going to ostracize my flesh and blood for dealing with the pain the only way they knew how. It saddened me you felt the need to leave, but you wouldn't have done it if wasn't something you felt you needed to do. You went through something no parent should ever have to do for their child. I could only imagine what you went through. I probably would've gone crazy had I had to watch someone lower you into the ground. No, you have nothing to apologize to me for. I'm the one that's sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be the support you needed."

"No ma. Don't say that." He reached out for her hand and she placed her hand in his, her grip tight. "You guys did everything you could. You and daddy both. I was just so sad. I didn't want anyone to see me like that all the time. I wasn't getting better and.. I just had to go."

She nodded. "I'm not mad at you son. Not at all. I'm just glad to able to see you before my soul crosses over to be with your father's. It's the only constant thing I've prayed for over the years. I feared I'd never see you again Inuyasha."

She squeezed his hand and he squeezed back.

"When I left, I hadn't planned on coming back. I figured everyone would be better off without me anyway since I was the only one that couldn't seem to get over it. Everyone was moving forward while I was still stuck in the same place. I didn't want to hold anyone back."

"No one's gotten over it. Aya affected all of our lives. She was a blessing the short time she was down here with us. You moving on and living out your life in happiness is not a betrayal to her Inuyasha."

He looked down and he felt her hand tighten around his own. "I know I hurt so many people when I left ma. Is it wrong of me to want to reach out now after all this time? Do I even have that right anymore?"

"True friends stick by you even in the worst of times. I'm still in contact with a few of your old friends. They'll drop by occasionally or call just to check up on me. They never stopped asking about you."

His heart pounded at those words. He'd honestly expected them all to disappear eventually. Ten years was a long time to worry over someone who'd left without a word.

"Son. Is that why you came back? To reach out to your friends?"

He looked up at her. "It's just part of it." He told her. "I came back because this is my home and I'm tired of running away from what happened. I see that no matter where I go I can't escape the pain. I need to have a peace of mind."

"Oh Inuyasha." She breathed. "I wish I could take this from you."

He shook his head. "It's not your burden to bear. It's something I need to do on my own." He paused as he thought of his next question. "Did you ever. . .Did you hear from him?"

She looked confused for a moment before realization dawned in the old human's eyes. "When you left, he came by all the time. To the point where I just offered him to spend the night at times. When it became apparent you weren't coming back, he stopped coming as much. He rarely comes by and he'll call every blue moon. Lately though, it's been quite from his end. Do you plan on reaching out to him too Inuyasha?"

The hanyou nodded his head slowly as if unsure of that himself. "I want to. Does he. . .ask about me like the others?"

She took on a sad smile, shaking her head. "I'm sorry Inuyasha. He stopped doing that long ago. When we realized you were gone for good."

Inuyasha nodded but his chest twisted a bit at that. It was expected. He didn't blame the demon. Yet.. It hurt.

Inuyasha turned to his meal in silence. Feeling foolish for thinking the other would still be concerned about him after all these year without a word. He ignored the shaky breath that left him.

"Inuyasha. . . "His mother hesitated. "Do you.. Are you still in love with Sesshomaru?"

Tears welled in his eyes as he looked up to her. He brought a fist to rest over his mouth as he replayed his mother's words in his mind. He nodded, closing his eyes as the tears spilled down his cheeks. His mother reached over to wipe them away.

"Whatever you need of me Inuyasha. I'm here."

He removed his hand with a light gasp. "I love you ma."

"I love you too Inuyasha. Now," she said with a clap of her hands. "No more sad stuff. You need to catch me up on what you've been doing all these years."

Inuyasha let out a laugh, a grin stretching his mother's lips. He nodded before launching into where he'd called home these past ten years. He answered her questions, explaining something to her in further detail upon her request. He asked her which friends in particular had kept in touch with her over the years. He asked her about the last memories she'd had of his father.

"Kyo was worried about you, same as I. Aside from your disappearance, we tried to live out our lives normally. He always made sure we visited Aya often. He always told her you much you loved her and would always come back for her. Your father never gave up hope. I wish I'd been as sure as he'd been. More than anything I wish he could be here to witness it himself. He'd be so happy. I'm sure he's at peace especially now that your back home."

Inuyasha sent up a quick 'thank you' to his father. For having faith in him when he himself had been lost. For speaking to his daughter on his behalf. He hoped his father's soul was finally at peace if him being gone kept him from doing so.

"Where is he?" He asked her.

"He's directly beside Aya."

"I'm going to visit them tomorrow morning. I'll probably be out all day since I'm. . I'm gonna go pay Miroku a visit."

"I'm sure he'll be glad to see you. Send him my regards."

Inuyasha nodded. "I will."

Inuyasha spent the day with her. The two eventually looking through the photo album his mother liked to keep. He smiled at seeing the large silver haired demon wearing the Santa Clause hat, holding the toddler hanyou in his arms while smiling at the camera. His eyes drifted to the next picture, laughing as he remembered what had been taking place at the time the photo was taken. His mother turned, laughing along with him as she realized what had his attention.

"I was so upset with you two." She chuckled. "I made your father clean all of that up. I'm glad I thought to take a picture of this. I didn't find it adorable at the time however."

Inuyasha grinned down as he looked at his smaller self decorating the wall with chocolate covered fingers. His father right beside him, his own fingers covered in the very same chocolate.

She turned the page and all laughter left him as looked down at the picture of the silver haired infant sleeping away in a pair of arms. Her father's arms though his face wasn't visible. His eyes turned to the next page over, all the place holders for new photos empty.

"Inuyasha?"

He blinked, loosening his grip on the couch's cushion. He didn't turn to face her, not wanting to see the worry in her gaze.

"I'm gonna head to bed mom. Early morning." He mumbled as he sat up.

"Okay. Night sweetie." She whispered.

Inuyasha laid down, doing his best to focus on nothing but his breathing. Hoping it would drive away some of the anxiety he felt. He wondered if he made a mistake in coming back here.

...

"Inuyasha."

The hanyou blinked his eyes open, sitting up to stare up at his mother.

"Are you still heading out today?"

Inuyasha looked around, the early morning casting a twilight colored shadow over the room. Once he got his wits about him, he nodded; remembering he was supposed to drive out to the grave site this morning.

She left and he got up to pick out his outfit for the day. He went to the bathroom and turned on the shower before turning to brush his teeth.

He made his shower quick since the drive to the grave site from his mother's place was a little over an hours drive. He rung out his hair before stepping back out. He patted himself dry and got dressed before turning to the mirror. He combed out the silver-ivory colored locks before throwing his hair up into a ponytail. Only the bangs left down to frame either side of his face. He left the room and went back to his room to slip on a pair of shoes. He grabbed his wallet and cellphone before jogging down the stairs. He smelled pancakes.

"Thanks ma. I forgot to set my alarm."

"I figured you did." She said loading two pancakes onto a plate, sausage patties and eggs sunny side up soon to follow.

"Ah mom you didn't need to cook for me. It's still early." He said going over to kiss her cheek. "I would've grabbed something on my way into the city."

"I don't mind. Besides, your not going into the city until later in the day." She handed the plate to him and he grinned.

"Your the best."

She brought a hand up to pat his cheek. "I know."

He chuckled and a yawn escaped her. "The car keys are on the table by the door."

"Kay. Go get some rest. I'll clean up here."

"Thank you son. I'll see you later sweetie."

He watched her leave the kitchen. He couldn't help but feel a rush of appreciation towards her. How he got through these last ten years without her was a wonder.

He sat at the table and quickly ate before washing up the dishes. He wiped down the counters before washing his hands. He left the kitchen and made his way to the front door, seeing the keys his mother had told him were there. He picked them up and made his way to the garage.

He opened the door and flicked on the switch, seeing the silver Infiniti G37. His father's old car. He unlocked the doors before hopping in the driver's seat. He reached up and pressed on the garage opener, hearing the whirring sound of the garage. He turned the engine on and began to pull out of the garage. He pushed the garage opener again before rolling out of the driveway. He sent a last parting glance to the house before taking off down the street.

He changed the station to a random talk show, not liking the silence that lingered in the vehicle. He thought of what he was doing and couldn't shake the apprehension at visiting his daughter. His father right beside her. Two people he held in his heart. Gone.

He took a deep breath. He wanted to do this. He was just afraid. Inuyasha knew he owed this to his little princess. Only now was he ready to even begin to face his past. Her death had ruined him.

Inuyasha drove in a daze, autopilot. He pulled into a parking space of the graveyard, not many cars there on a Wednesday morning. He looked at the clock, seeing it was eight thirteen.

He turned the car off and took the key out of the ignition. He slumped back into his seat, staring out at the hundreds of grave heads. His father and child being a part of many.

Inuyasha sighed and got out of the car, not seeing any visitors by the graves. He headed in the direction where his family lay at rest, a weird sensation building in the back of his throat.

He saw her tombstone. Aya Shimizu. He walked closer, entranced by the slightly chipped slab of stone. Wrapped, dried out flowers resting before it.

He turned to the tombstone on the left. Kyo Ikeda. His daddy.

He brought a hand over his mouth, shoulders jerking as sobs left him. He turned his head, eyes closed as his grief overcame him. He cried as if the pain were still fresh. His body gave out, dropping to his knees as he looked to them. Hiccups mixed with his wails, crying until he felt their was nothing left of him to give.

"Sorry. . . I'm so sorry. ."

He fell onto his forearms, staring at the grass below him as he attempted to catch his breath, watching as the tears joined with the earth below. His only offering to them both.

He sat back up, supporting his body on his legs. He turned his head to his father's grave, running a shaky hand under his nose. He closed his eyes, attempting to calm his frazzled nerves. He opened his eyes, his father's tomb a blurry haze.

He breathed until he was calmed down. He tilted his head back, looking up at the brightening sky. The clouds slowly drifting by. He looked back towards his father's grave.

"I'm so sorry daddy. I wish I'd been here for you and ma. I know you worried about me while I was gone. I was just so. . . empty. I was empty for a long time. I didn't want you to see me like that. You tried so hard." He breathed, closing his eyes. He took a deep breath. "You and ma tried so hard but I just wasn't ready to face it. I didn't want you worrying about me but I guess I just made it worse huh? I regret not keeping in touch with you. I should have."

He wiped his face with his sleeve. "Ma told me what you did for that little girl. In the fire. You were always so brave daddy. So quick to take on other people's problems. You used to get on ma's nerves with that sometimes." He laughed, a little breathless. "We knew it was just who were. I always looked up to you daddy. Your one of the best people I know."

He looked down at his balled up fists on his legs. "I couldn't help but wonder if you saving that girl had anything to do with what happened. I thought maybe that girl from the fire reminded you of our little princess and you felt like you had to do it despite knowing what you were up against. Now that I think about, you would've done it anyway. It's just who you are. I don't know if you blamed yourself for what happened, but there's nothing you need to feel guilty about. If anyone's to blame it would be me. You loved her like a grandfather should. You don't need to feel bad about anything concerning Aya."

Inuyasha looked away, seeing people were beginning to show up to visit family members of their own. "And daddy. Please don't feel like you failed me. Everything you've done for me I appreciate more than you can ever know. There's not a day that goes by that I'm not proud to be your son. I'm so proud of you daddy. I hope your soul's at peace. Watch over our little princess for me."

He took a deep breath, leaning against his clasped hands as he sat in the silence. He fought against the feeling that wanted to rise up from his throat. His breath came out shaky. He had to be strong. He owed her this.

He turned to her. His heart trying to pound out of his body. He could hear it in his ears.

"Hey baby. Poppy's sorry he hasn't seen you in such a long time. I was sick but Poppy's trying to get better now. I missed you so very much."

He looked away as he felt the tears start to well up in his eyes. He took in a deep inhale.

"I hope your not mad with Poppy. I still love you Aya. I love you so much. Sometimes it hurts how much I love you. Your the bestest daughter anyone could ever ask for. I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world. I wish I could hold you and squeeze you. Remember when me and your daddy would read you your favorite stories at bedtime? That was fun wasn't it? Or the princess pajama party."

He sniffled, running a hand under his eye. "You always made daddy and me laugh. You were so funny Aya. Those faces you used to make." He chuckled as he recalled the funny faces she would make at random strangers. They never had been able to break her out of that. What he wouldn't give to have her doing that right now. "Don't be mad with Poppy, Aya. I'd be so sad if. . ."

A sob left him and he couldn't control the ones that followed. He was sad now.

"I'm so sorry baby. Don't hate me. Please don't hate me. ."

He clapped a hand over his mouth, shaking his head. He couldn't do this.

"I'm so sorry Aya." He gasped. He stood up and ran back to the car. He leaned over the pavement, finally giving in to the pressure that had been building up. He emptied his stomach out, chest heaving from the effort. He spit before standing up straight.

He got into the driver seat and leaned his head against the steering wheel. He'd failed Aya again.

* * *

He pulled up to the address his mother had given him. He looked up towards the large building. Bone Eater's PR Firm.

Inuyasha go out and made his way to the large double doors, pulling apart at his approach. He looked around, spotting a young dark haired woman behind what he assumed to be a receptiont's desk.

"Yes sir. Can I help you?"

He ignored the quick once over he saw her take over his slightly disheveled appearance. "I'd like to speak with Miroku Hayashi."

"Do you have an appointment sir?"

He shook his head.

"All non appointments have a longer waiting period. I can notify Mr. Hayashi but there's no guarantee you will be seen today."

"Okay. Thank you."

"Your name?"

"Inuyasha Shimizu."

"There are seats over there sir." Her brown eyes pointing to her right.

He nodded and made his way towards one of the seats in the lobby. He wondered what the dark haired human would look like now. If he was still the same person he knew from high school.

"Mr. Shimizu?"

He looked up and made his way back over to the receptionist. "That was quick."

She nodded. "Yes. That doesn't usually happen. I've been told to send you up right away. It's the fifth floor office."

"Thanks." He told her before making his way to the elevators. He climbed in once it reached him before hitting the button for the fifth floor. He was nervous. His mothers had said Miroku had never shown any anger at his departure all those years ago but he couldn't see how the human didn't feel any. They'd been pretty close since meeting as sophomores in high school. Until he left. Inuyasha wouldn't blame him if he'd let him up here just to be able to give him a piece of his mind.

The door parted and Inuyasha stepped out, looking around at the many desks that housed the employees of this floor. He turned, movement from the corner of his eye capturing his attention. The hanyou stilled, not believing what he was seeing before him. If the others face was anything to go by, he was just as shocked by his presence.

Inuyasha's eyes roamed over his old friend, seeing he'd aged extremely well over the years. The pulled back ebony locks still holding their dark tone. His face still appearing young, though he had lost its roundness. No longer appearing as young as the thirty-two year old he'd last seen him as. He'd grown a bit taller, but not much. His lithe, slim build easy to discern despite the black suit that framed him.

Inuyasha looked up into wide dark blue eyes.

"It's really you." The human began, slowly making his way ever closer to the seemingly rooted hanyou. His voice holding an undertone of wonder as he stared into golden eyes. "I can't believe it."

Inuyasha forced a grin as the human stopped a few feet before him. "It's been so long I-I. . . I have no idea what to say. You. . . You look well."

Miroku looked at him before closing the last bit of distance between them, bringing the hanyou into a fierce hug. Inuyasha hugged him back, grateful to be able to feel his friend again. Somehow reassured by the almost erratic heartbeat he felt pressed against him.

"Inuyasha.." Miroku breathed in his ear. The hanyou knew he was still reeling. He just tightened his hold around the other, just as stunned as Miroku was. Miroku didn't hate him.

They broke apart, wide grins on both of their faces.

"You look so good." Miroku exclaimed as he did a visible once over of his long lost friend.

"Me?" Inuyasha questioned. "Look at you."

"Your really here." The human said with a shake of his head. "I always hoped..."

Inuyasha tilted his head as he pondered something. "What'd you think when you heard my name?"

"I don't know. I was hoping someone hadn't made a mistake." Miroku suddenly reached for his hand, pulling them away from the small audience their reunion had gathered. "Come. We can talk in my office."

Miroku led him towards a brown wooden door that stood off to the side of the desk in the room. They walked in and Inuyasha broke away to take in the large space as Miroku closed the door behind them.

Inuyasha whistled, turning at the chuckle his actions received. He followed behind the human as he made his way over to the mini bar that took up a section of the wall. "What's your poison?" He asked him.

"I'll take a water." Inuyasha told him, looking out the large pane of glass.

Miroku shrugged before reaching out of sight, coming back up with a bottle of water in hand. He tossed it over to his silver haired friend before grabbing a can of cola for himself. He cracked it open while looking to the hanyou. "How'd you find out where I was?"

"Ma told me. She sends her regards."

Miroku smiled. "You went home. I bet she was happy to see you."

"Yeah. She told me you stayed in touch. Checked in on her. Thank you."

"No need for thanks. I've actually been meaning to stop by her place one of these days. I've just been swamped here lately. And raising two kids. . ." He paused, watching Inuyasha.

Inuyasha waved a hand, indicating for him to continue. Ignoring the slight lump that rose in his throat. "Go ahead. I haven't met your second child. Girl or boy?"

"Two boys." The human informed with a smile. The pride in his tone impossible to overlook. "You only met Yori. The other one is Akio."

Inuyasha nodded. "How's Sango?"

"She's good. She's taking up karate these days."

Inuyasha shook his head, a bubble of laughter wanting to escape him. "Your wife is still scary. I don't know how your still alive. As much as you liked to palm every piece of ass that walked by."

"Heh. Those were the old days my friend. Though, since she took up that firearm training, I haven't even so much as thought of another woman."

Miroku smiled at the soft laugh that escaped his friend. "It's really good to see you Inuyasha."

The wistful look that came over the human was enough for the waterworks to want to set off all over again. Inuyasha just nodded, looking out into the parking lot below.

"Come. Let's sit." Miroku gestured for the chairs. Inuyasha settled in one of the seats before the large mahogany desk. "So..Where'd you disappear off to?" The human asked once he settled behind the desk.

"Went to Osaka. Don't know why I guess." The hanyou told him with a shrug. "It seemed logical enough at the time." He took a sip from his bottle.

"Now? How does it seem to you now that you've come back?"

No malice in his voice. Just curiousity. "I-I came back to..try and piece my life back. Get into the space I was before. . .you know what happened. Now that I'm actually here, it's.. overwhelming. Everywhere I go is just a reminder of the life I once had. I feel like a part of me needs that. To move on. Be forced to deal with it so I can move on. Then.."

He blinked, suddenly hit with a wave of numbness. He shook his head. "Then there's the part of me that feels I shouldn't have come back at all. If I move on, then I'm somehow leaving Aya behind. Forgetting her. I can't do that. Not when I'm the reason she's gone."

"I'd hoped that you'd find peace when you left. It saddens me to see that's not the case. Your still blaming yourself for what happened when no else is."

"Miroku. She's my daughter. No one could have made me feel any worse than I already did. I didn't need anyone to blame me."

"That's not entirely true Inuyasha. You were concerned with one person thought about you then."

Inuyasha nodded. Miroku's words were true. How could he have forgotten?

"Is that why you left?" The human asked.

"He was one of the reasons." Inuyasha admitted. "I know it doesn't justify why I left without a word but I wasn't getting any better and he.. he tried Miroku. He tried so hard." Inuyasha couldn't stop the tear that slid down his cheek and he didn't bother wiping it away. He didn't need to in front of Miroku. "I knew if I told him what I planned to do he'd try to follow me. I wanted him to move on. I knew I'd hurt him but he was always the strong one. I knew he could move on from me."

"Inuyasha," Miroku leaned forward, folding his fingers together on the desk. "Know that what I'm about to say is not with the intentions of trying to condemn you. I'm not trying to make you feel bad about your decision because I knew you were hurting. But if you think that man has moved on, then you never knew him very well. Inuyasha, you left your husband without a word. He managed to move on eventually with his life but no one can move on entirely when there's an unfinished chapter in their lives. Like you, he never got his closure." He looked away with a sigh before turning sad eyes back to his friend. "I.. I don't even wanna tell you what a wreck he was when we figured out you weren't coming back."

"What," he did wipe his face then, before leaning forward in his seat. "Ma never told me that. She mentioned he came by the house looking for me, but didn't say more than that."

"Smart woman. Your mother," the human mused before speaking to the hanyou. "No. She wouldn't tell you that because she knew how it'd make you feel. As your mother, she's going to protect you. As you friend, I feel you need to know what took place after you left. No sugar coating or skimming over things. If you're indeed ready to try and move on. Hiding things from you will not help you in the long run. That is why you came back, right?"

"Yes." He said rather meekly. "It's the same anywhere I go. There's no running away from what happened. It's selfish of me, but I can't keep going through life hating myself for what happened and the things I did. I came back to give people a chance to say whatever it is they feel they need to say to me. So everyone can feel like they had their fair chance to speak their piece."

Miroku nodded. "I'm glad. You were nowhere near ready to say something like this all those years ago. It seems you leaving may have done you some good after all. As far I'm concerned, I don't hold any anger for you leaving. I was sad more then anything. I was your friend but I couldn't help you. We couldn't help you." He ducked his head, running his fingers through his dark bangs.

"Miroku." Inuyasha said softly, waiting until those blue eyes met his. "Thank you. Thank you for being there for me during some of the worst moments of my life. You did everything you could do but it wouldn't do any good if I couldn't even accept Aya's death myself. You were. . . an amazing friend. You, Kagome. Shippo. You did as much you could and I appreciate it more than you could know."

Miroku looked at him, his blue orbs turning glossy. He cleared his throat before nodding. "Am. I am an amazing friend."

Inuyasha smiled a sad smile before letting out a breath. "How was.. Sesshomaru after I left?"

"He was... lost. He drove himself crazy trying to find you. He couldn't accept that you had left. More so than the rest of us. He would stop by the house everyday looking for you. I hated telling him I still hadn't seen or heard from you. His eyes, Inuyasha. They held so much of his pain. I could only picture what he was going through. I could only imagine losing Sango and our boys. He lost Aya then you in such a short amount of time."

Inuyasha visibly winced and his heart grew heavy. He knew the human hadn't meant it harshly but their was no masking his guilt. Miroku threw him an apologetic glance and kept going.

"Then, he started coming by not acting like himself. He was starting to scare Yori and Sango was pregnant then. He was intoxicated Inuyasha. The smell was all over him. I had to ask that he stop coming by. Thankfully it seemed he stopped drinking these last few years and we reach out to the other every so often. That was his way of dealing with his pain. You left, and he turned to the bottle."

He leaned back in his seat, speechless. Sesshomaru had.. become an alcoholic because of him leaving. He shook his head, his heart starting to beat erratically. He swallowed, wondering why Sesshomaru would start drinking when it was the very same thing that had destroyed the man's mother. Sesshomaru had always had strained relations with his mother because of it until she finally went and sought help.

How would Keiko look at him now. He'd inadvertently caused her son to head down the dark, destructive path she herself had once been on. He never thought to think that would be Sesshomaru's first solution to his hurt. He thought leaving would make things better. Now it seemed all he did was make things worse.

"You couldn't have known, Inuyasha." Miroku told him softly, sensing his friends worries.

"That doesn't make it okay, Miroku." He snapped, anger at himself and his helplessness. "He turned to the bottom of a bottle for comfort. To deal with the pain that I caused. You knew how he felt about alcohol because of her drinking."

"Yes. I know, " the dark haired human told him calmly. "He didn't start up drinking solely because you left Inuyasha. He lost his daughter on top of trying to be strong for you. You leaving hurt him. He had a lot on his plate."

All those things caused by his hand. Sesshomaru had every reason to hate him. That thought alone was enough to cause his chest to hurt.

"Damn it," he whispered, eyes closed through the tears. "Damn it."

"He's not in that dark space anymore. That'd been years ago."

It could've been last week and it wouldn't have mattered in his opinion. Sesshomaru had turned to something he had despised because of the memories associated with the liquid. Pain. That's all he was to everybody. Pain.

"Do you plan on speaking to him?"

Inuyasha opened his eyes. "I planned too but now.. I don't think I should. I never wanted that for him and seeing me would just bring up nothing but the bad memories of our past. I think... it's for the best if I just stay away. Since he's in a better place now."

He wiped his face and stood up, Miroku standing as well. "I hope that doesn't extend to everyone else. Please don't up and disappear again without a word."

He shook his head. "I wouldn't do that again Miroku. I'm back for good. I'll be looking for a place soon. Something small. Right now I'm gonna stick by ma."

"She wouldn't let you leave anyway." The human laughed as did Inuyasha, knowing he was right.

"I'll see what I can find for you. Maybe I can bring a list of places by one of these days."

His heart warmed at the hidden message behind the human's words. "Sure. Or I can come and pick it up from your place. See Sango and the munchkins who call you daddy."

Miroku laughed. "I'd like that."

"I'd better get going."

"I'll walk you out."

Miroku walked him to the elevator and they watched each other as the doors closed between them. He closed his eyes, leaning his head against the wall. Tiring. Dealing with everything in his past was proving to be tiring. Yet, he felt happy with seeing Miroku again. His friend didn't hold his unexpected disappearance against him. That was enough to make his earlier failure not so devastating. He hoped seeing his other friends turned out just as well but he wouldn't hold it against them if they were angry.

It hurt, letting go of Sesshomaru. The only man who would forever be the love of his life. He planned on reaching out but after Miroku let him know about Sesshomaru drinking because of him, he would stay away. Even now, he wasn't being entirely selfless. He and Sesshomaru were still married. The demon would never be entirely free from him. That made it a little easier knowing he'd never see him again.

The doors parted and he walked through the lobby and out of the building. There was still a heaviness to him but it wasn't as constricting. He got into his father's old car and began the ride home.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN** : I apologize in advance for any mistakes I may have missed.

 **Chapter 2**

* * *

 _"Inuyasha!"_

 _He couldn't breathe._

 _"Inuyasha," came the broken plea. "I'm right here. I'm right in front of you."_

 _He shook his head at the voice that sounded so distant. Why couldn't he understand. Pain was the only way to make it better. She hurt. She was in so much pain. He needed to hurt too._

 _Hands reached out to grab him and he turned away, a balled up huddle in the corner of the bathroom. "So sorry baby. Papa's so sorry, Aya." He stared blankly at the wall, his breathing coming out in unsteady hitches._

 _"Don't. Please Inuyasha," he pleaded. "Don't shut me out. Feel me. Know that I'm right in front of you and I'm not going anywhere."_

 _Sesshomaru reached out to touch him and the hanyou turned his head, the red around his golden eyes a stark contrast. He threw himself into his husband's arms, his muffled cries between them as he cried against the demon's shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Sesshomaru." He wailed, his body a constant thrum of vibration. "I'm so sorry."_

 _Arms tightened around him and the demon placed his nose into his frazzled hair. "Stop Inuyasha. You didn't mean for... It wasn't your fault."_

 _The hanyou quickly raised a hand to his mouth to keep at bay the sudden pressure in his throat but it was too late to stop the ascent of his bodily fluids. His body convulsed as he spilled the contents of his stomach between them. The demon never moved away. Inuyasha kept his mouth covered as he scrambled to the nearby toilet, coughing and spittle leaving him as he emptied himself out. He slumped against the seat, arms resting across the seat as he gave in to his body's fatigue. His chest heaved as he fought for breath. Sesshomaru reached down and pulled his hair back from his mouth._

 _"Come on. Let's get you cleaned up."_

 _Inuyasha didn't move, not even when he was stripped and placed in the shower, the demon right behind him. He leaned back against the taller demon's chest, his eyes staring unseeingly at the wall that stood before them. Sesshomaru cleaned him, pressing light kisses into the top of his head every so often. So tender. Loving. Tears welled in his eyes anew._

 _His princess. Fighting for her last breaths on the cold, harsh street. He didn't deserve this. He wanted the other to yell. Scream at him. Accuse him. Not treat him as if he were some fragile creature. The kindness was killing him softly. Aya should be here with them, getting her ready for bed like they always did. Not in the dirt. Not in the earth._

 _His body gave out and two arms caught him. He clapped a hand over his mouth to stifle his sobs, his body quaking. "Aya. My baby.. Why? Why my baby."_

 _The arms squeezed him. "It wasn't your fault Inuyasha."_

 _"That bitch killed my baby." He gasped harshly, eyes widening and his heart beat becoming increasingly erratic. "She.. She-"_

 _"Shh. Calm down." Inuyasha kept his head down at the feel of the digits softly stroking his head. "Aya's in peace now, Yasha. She's... She's not in pain anymore. You know her grandfather will watch over her. She's not alone."_

 _Sesshomaru held him but Inuyasha didn't dare return the gesture. He didn't deserve comfort. He cried. Sesshomaru pulled him closer as he lost himself to his misery._

* * *

He gasped as he sat up in bed, sweat lining his skin. He looked around, seeing he was in his old bedroom. He looked down at the wet sheets and closed his eyes in a sigh.

He flung the cover aside and got out bed and stripped the sheets. He threw them into the corner to be washed later. He grabbed a change of clothes from the dresser and made to take a quick shower.

He dressed and went back to his room, throwing the damp clothes in the hamper and grabbing the sheets. He took them downstairs to the washer and dryer before loading them. He adjusted the washer before making his way into the living room.

His mother turned to him from her spot on the couch, a smile on her lips at seeing her son. He laid himself down, his head in her lap. She placed her hand on his head before softly running his fingers through his soft, white locks.

He closed his eyes, enjoy the slow ministrations from his mother. They'd been like this often when he was a kid. When he had nightmares or when he just wanted to be close to his mom. She would hum to him until he fell asleep. Though this time she didn't hum.

"Was it a bad one?"

Inuyasha opened his eyes, turning to look into her brown. She knew. He turned to stare up at the ceiling above them. "Yeah."

"Was it about Aya?"

He shook his head. He remembered when he used to have bad dreams about his child. She would be looking up at him, her skin a pale that was only associated with people no longer living. Her gold eyes still as vibrant as ever. Her little mouth covered in blood. She would always call out to him. He would try. Try so hard to reach out to grab her but something always held him back. He would cry and scream as darkness moved in to cover her. He would cry and bang on the invisible wall, her cries still reaching him as she faded into the cloud of dark. Leaving him.

That'd been the most recurring one out of the dreams that plagued him over the years. They slowed down but every once in a while one would make itself known once again.

His family and friends knew he had nightmares. They'd calmed him down enough to be quite familiar.

He swallowed. "It was a memory I had. With Sesshomaru." He told her.

She made a humming sound in her throat, a soft tune leaving her as she otherwise silently comforted him. Running her fingers through her child's hair.

"Ma," he started. "Why didn't you tell me Sesshomaru had started drinking."

Her fingers paused for the briefest of moments as she stopped humming. He looked to her.

"I guess it was too much to hope Miroku wouldn't have told you. I thought it too soon for you to know. You had just gotten back. I didn't want to load you down with too much too soon."

"Did he ever show up here drunk?"

She smiled, her eyes tinged with sadness. "Yes. A few times. He would always apologize and leave. I think it embarrassed him. The mother of his husband seeing him like that. I never held it against him. I pray for him too. Just like I pray for you."

"I've decided I'm not going to see him. Miroku said he was better now and who knows what seeing me could trigger. I'm not gonna be the reason he goes back to drinking ma." He told her fiercely.

She nodded. "Okay Inuyasha. You know I'll support you no matter what."

"Let's go out today," he said rather suddenly, his tone more upbeat. "Let me take you out to eat. We can go somewhere fancy."

She let out of a huff of laughter, her eyes holding her amusement. "If you don't have any plans then I'd be delighted to go out with my only son. I'd assumed you'd be going out to see another one of your old friends today."

"I need to gain my strength back after dealing with Miroku," he quipped. She chuckled and she sounded so pretty to him in that moment. "I'll go visit Shippo tomorrow."

"Then it's a date," she teased with a smile.

They spent the day together, Inuyasha letting it be all about her. He'd missed so many years of her life and their was no turning back the clock. How could he have thought to never see her again. She was one of his very favorite people. He was happy and relieved she hadn't shunned him which he felt was well within her rights to do. He thought of Aya and knew he'd love her no matter what. He imagined that was why it was so easy for her to forgive. A parent's love.

He took her to her favorite restaurant, the one his father had taken her on their first date. Shikon. One of Tokyo's most elegant restaurants. She gasped and shook her head, knowing the prices most of the dishes had. He smiled and guided her inside, chuckling at her comments about him being just as stubborn as his father.

He bought her a few things from a nearby antique shop before they spent the rest of the day by the lake he liked to visit as a child. Watching the surrounding families as they talked about memories and laughed.

It was late in the evening when he drove them home. He placed her into her bed, smiling at the child like grumble that left her as she dug deeper into the pillow. He looked down at her soft, aged face and sadness gripped him. He placed a kiss to her forehead and left the room. He went upstairs and stripped out his clothes, slipping into the washed sheets and blankets.

He thought of his daddy and how the demon would always tuck him in at night with his mother standing in the doorway. Just like he and Sesshomaru had done for Aya. He closed his eyes, can't helping but to think the old days had been so much more simple.

He woke up the next morning on his own, not wanting his mother to worry about getting up and cooking for him.

He fixed a simple bacon, egg and cheese breakfast sandwich with a glass of milk. He washed up behind himself and lightly walked back up the stairs and to the bathroom. He brushed his teeth and went to his room, settling on a pair of dark blue jeans and a black T-shirt with white lettering on the front. He went and took a quick shower.

Inuyasha went to his mother's room, seeing she was still asleep. He wrote out a quick note telling her he'd be back later tonight.

He went and took the car out of the garage before driving towards the inner city. He was excited. Nervous. He couldn't help but wonder what the fox's reaction would be too seeing him after so many years of him being gone.

Last he knew, Shippo had been attending university. Going for his Bachelor's Degree in nursing. Something he'd always wanted to pursue. His stomach rolled at thoughts of the kitsune demon spewing hateful words. He knew he wouldn't say a word in return until Shippo had said all that he had to, despite what was said in anger. If Inuyasha deemed he truly felt that way, he'd have to move on. As much as it would break his heart too.

Shippo had never had any real family to rely on. He'd never been particularly close with the adoptive family that took him in freshman year of high school. Which is when Inuyasha had met his friend. Kagome had seen him and commented on how sad he looked. He agreed with her, Shippo had looked so alone sitting at the lunch table with no one. Always the nice girl, Kagome had made it her business to invite him over to their two man table. He started off with a sense of pity towards the fox that morphed into a protective feeling of sorts. His life story was so sad when he finally divulged it to them. Moved from home to home with no sense of who he was since he was a toddler. All he had was a name. Inuyasha couldn't relate since he had his father and mother. Shippo became another person he loved. Another friend that steadily became to mean more to him than that.

Knowing these things, he was immensely nervous of the reaction he'd receive. Like everyone else in Shippo's life, he'd left. He knew he'd hurt people, but he hoped Shippo wasn't so alone. He knew he was ultimately doing it for the greater good. Shippo had spent too much time trying to nurse him back to health while still attending his classes at the university. The fox never complained but he clearly saw the effect it was having on his body. He saw what his being around was doing to everybody. People around him were trying to live and he was in a constant state of numbness. He couldn't have them doing that. Not for him when wasn't over his baby's passing. So. He left.

He parked outside of the address his mother had given him. He looked at the two story home from his spot across the street, seeing a gray 2015 Honda Accord LX Sedan. He wondered if that was Shippo's car. He hadn't had one ten years ago.

Knowing he was stalling, he finally got out. He looked down the street both ways seeing it was free to go. He started walking, staring at the white door.

He took a deep breath before bringing a hand up to rap on the door. His stomach was so upset as he waited. His ears picked up at the footfalls he heard from the other side. He took a step back once the door opened, a tall demon in nothing but gray sweats revealing himself. He stared at Inuyasha.

"Yeah," came the lazy greeting. "Can I help you?"

Did his mother give him the wrong address? "Uh. I was looking for an old friend of mine, but I think I have the wrong address. Sorry for bothering you." He said before turning around to start back to his car.

"Wait."

He stopped, turning back around to see what the demon wanted.

"I might be able to help you. Your friend might be in the neighborhood. What's their name?"

Inuyasha looked to the black haired demon, and hesitated before deciding it couldn't hurt to see if he knew the fox. "His name's Shippo Fukui."

The demon tilted his head, looking at the hanyou with a peculiar look on his face. "What business do you have with my husband?"

Inuyasha blinked, his confusion apparent. "Excuse me?"

"You said you were looking for a Shippo. It's Shippo Wolfe now by the way. We got married seven years ago. I'm Koga Wolfe, his husband."

"O-oh," Inuyasha shook his head. "I wasn't aware he'd gotten married." His mom had to have known that since she said Shippo visited her time from time. Why hadn't she seen it fit to tell him that?

Koga crossed his arms across his naked chest, leaning against the doorway. He gave Inuyasha a visible once over and Inuyasha raised a brow.

"Your not an old flame are you? I hate to break it to you, but you lost any chance of getting him back the day we said, 'I do'."

He ducked his head to hide his grin. He just might like this Koga. He sobered up before meeting the man's cool colored gaze. "No, I'm not an ex lover. Like I said, just an old friend. I'm guessing he's not here so I'll come back some other time."

Koga grunted. "I was sure I'd met all of Shippo's friends. What's your name so I can tell him you stopped by."

Inuyasha nodded. "It's Inuyasha. Inuyasha Shimizu."

He watched the way Koga's lips parted slightly. His eyes lighting with recognition only to be quickly smothered. The hanyou had seen it clearly however. All he could think was, 'he knows'.

"Y-Yeah, I, uh, heard about you." The demon cleared his throat, his voice a lot more stable. "Shippo used to mention you all the time."

"Yeah," he whispered, awkwardness settling in. "Can you just tell him I stopped by? And let him know I'm at my mothers place? If.. If he wants to see me."

Koga watched him before sighing, moving away slightly from the door frame. "You may as well come in and wait for him. He'll be back from the hospital in about ten minutes."

"Oh, it's fine. I didn't mean to intrude." He brought his hands up to emphasize his reluctance to accept his invitation. "I'm sure your busy-"

"Just get in here will ya. Shippo would kill me if he knew I let you leave. He'll be here soon enough." Koga turned his back to him as he walked into his home. "Close the door behind you."

Inuyasha watched him disappear behind a corner before regaining his senses. He walked in, seeing a large living room off to the right, a large television playing a football game. He noticed two large, brown leather sofas. One pushed against the wall to the front of the house. The other to its left, facing directly across from the television. He looked around not seeing the demon named Koga. He opted to sit on the couch by the wall until he decided to make a reappearance.

He walked around the couch and paused at seeing various children's toys scattered over the couch and floor. His mouth fell open in silent wonder. Children's toys.. They had a child?

He walked to the other couch, eyeing the toys. He thought of Aya and the furry plushies she was always fond of. She would always make him be the baby plushie while she played the role of daddy plushy. Wanting to be like her two daddies.

Inuyasha looked up at the soft, fast approach of light footsteps. His breath left him at the green eyes that met his amber. The little boy eyed him as he stopped directly beside his toys. He was gorgeous. His raven locks stopping just under his shoulders. His green eyes exactly how he remembered Shippo's being.

The child snatched one of the toys away before quickly running back out of his sight. Inuyasha watched him disappear in silent astonishment. Shippo had a baby. He assumed it was Koga's child as their hair color was identical and he resembled the demon greatly. The two sharing the same bronze skin tone.

His eyes shifted as he noticed those green eyes peer out at him from around the side of the couch. Inuyasha blinked at being watched. He looked around, still seeing no sign of Koga.

He let a smile cross his lips as he looked back, the little boy giggling before ducking his head out of sight once more. A huff of laughter left the hanyou as the child peeked back out again to look at him.

"What are you doing, Katsu?"

His head whipped up to watch Koga as he swooped down to pick up the mini demon, squeals of laughter leaving him as he lightly hit the older demon with the toy he held in his hand. "S'op ih daddy! I sowwy!"

Inuyasha smiled as Koga tickled the little boy like crazy, Katsu's body squirming to get away from the unrelenting hands. "Were you bothering your papa's friend?"

"No, daddy. No!" The little boy wiggled, his laughter turning into gasps as the wolf's hands tickled every spot within his reach. The boy's little hands trying to stop the assault on his body. A feeling of contentment spread throughout him at watching the two's interaction. He hid a smile behind his hand as the child's squeals permeate the air. It was a very endearing display.

Only when the boy started to whimper did Koga let up. Koga kissed his little one's forehead before bringing him around with him to sit on the couch. Inuyasha took a discreet sniff, the dark shirt the demon now wore heavy with a scent. Smelled like a wolf.

Inuyasha watched him with Katsu and couldn't help but see the effortless interaction between the two. He thought of Sesshomaru then and felt the pang of sadness that usually came when thinking of the silver haired demon. Sesshomaru had been an amazing father. The daiyoukai had once been in the wolf's position. Taking care of his daughter. So attentive to their little girl. But no more. He'd taken that from him.

"Um, you thirsty?" Inuyasha snapped out of his thoughts, hoping he hadn't been staring like some kind of lunatic at the two.

"Nah, I'm good." He couldn't help but think the wolf felt weird. Not without good reason. Letting a virtual stranger into your home. A man his husband hadn't seen in ten years. He felt kind of bad. Though he himself wasn't faring any better. In the home of a certain fox he hadn't kept in contact with. He hadn't wanted to surprise Shippo to this extent. Walk in to see the friend you'd known since freshman year of high school. His nerves were a little frazzled just sitting here waiting for the inevitable. Koga had said Shippo used to mention him. The wolf had invited him into their home. He was hoping that turned out to be a good thing. If Shippo hated him, his husband surely wouldn't see it fit to invite him into the home with their child.

Trying to distract himself from what was about to take place in just a few short minutes, he offered a slight smile towards Katsu. "He looks just like you. How old is he?"

Koga looked away from his son to meet his amber. "He'll be three in March." He said with a slight shake of his head, exasperated fondness entering his deep voice. "Thank God for that. I see what everyone goes on about when talking about a kid's terrible two's.

Inuyasha chuckled, nodding with a knowing smile. "Yeah. It can get pretty rough."

"Yeah?" Koga asked, a gentleness in his deep voice. "It's tough but I wouldn't give it up for anything."

He knew exactly how the wolf felt. Raising a kid was no walk in the park but it was also one of the most gratifying feelings in the world. To know you had the unconditional love of a little one. Something you helped bring into the world. There was no feeling like it.

He held Koga's gaze. "Not for anything." He reaffirmed before clearing his throat some. "How'd you meet Shippo?"

Katsu climbed into his father's lap and Koga broke his gaze long enough to help situate his son. He looked back to the white haired hanyou, Katsu's green eyes locking onto the stranger as well.

"Shippo treated me at the hospital after I got into a scrap with some loser. This guy was beating up on his lady in broad daylight so I intervened. Didn't expect the guy to pull a blade on me. He got my arm pretty good."

The wolf shifted his right arm forward and Inuyasha noticed the slightly raised discolored line that raked across his arm from his shoulder to a spot just above his elbow.

Inuyasha sucked his teeth before leaning back. "That looks like it was nasty."

Koga shrugged. "It hurt like a bitch afterward but I barely felt it at the time."

Katsu gasped, leaning forward to send a wide eyed look back towards his father. "Ohhh. Daddy you say bad stuff. You no say that."

Inuyasha bit his lip but failed to stifle the low chuckle. Koga sent him an exasperated look as if to say, 'See what I mean?'

"Daddy's sorry," The wolf said before leaning down to kiss his son's forehead. "Don't tell your papa kay?"

Katsu nodded with all the seriousness of a two year old and leaned back against his father's chest, content to play with the small toy in his hands. God he missed Aya.

"Anyway," Koga started up. "As you can see, we got together and had this little guy. I guess if anything, that guy is the reason I have my family now. It was more than worth it."

Inuyasha watched Koga straighten out Katsu's hair. "Is he happy?" He asked softly.

Koga looked up to meet his gaze. The wolf watched him for a moment in silence. It seemed the wolf knew he wasn't attacking his pride as his husband but took it for the wonder that it truly was. "I make it my business to see that he's happy."

Shippo had done well for himself. Not that it was needed, but Koga had his approval. He was glad the sandy haired fox had a family of his own now.

Three pairs of eyes turned at the headlights that quickly flashed across the living room window.

"Dat papa daddy?" Katsu asked, staring up at the black haired demon.

"Yeah Katsu," he answered softly, though his eyes were locked with Inuyasha's. "That's your papa."

Inuyasha took a deep breath, attempting to settle his nerves. Shippo was going to walk through that door any second. It was well within the fox's rights to send him packing without a word. That would... hurt. But he'd deserve it. For leaving the way he did. Shippo had obviously moved on and appeared to be doing just fine. He could very well see his return as an unnecessary complication. He felt Koga's stare on him. He guessed his nervousness was apparent.

"For what it's worth. Shippo told me he considered you to be the family he never had. I know true family doesn't turn their back when times get rough. If I know my husband, and I know my husband, you don't have nothin' to be worried about."

Inuyasha looked up from his stare on the floor, sending a grateful smile the wolf's way. The words eased away some of the tightness in his stomach. He felt just a little better.

The trio's eyes went to the doorway as the sound of a key wormed its way inside the cylinder. Katsu squirmed out of his father's grip and ran around the couch to greet the fox. Koga chuckled and stood up to follow his son.

The door opened and Katsu immediately ran into Shippo's legs. Inuyasha stood up, drinking in the sight of his old friend. He grew up and out. He was at least three inches taller than his previous five five height. Shippp had always been on the more petite side. Now, there was a little added weight that looked amazing on him. He assumed it was a little leftover padding from carrying Katsu. He wore navy blue hospital scrubs, his tail swaying lazily behind him. A lot longer and less fluffier than it'd been. His sandy red locks were bound behind him in a high ponytail he was known to wear often in high school. Still secured by a light blue ribbon. His bangs in slight disarray over his forehead. His face appeared flushed, a rosy stain over his slightly rounded cheeks.

"Hey baby," Shippo smiled down at Katsu before leaning down to pick up the dark haired two year old. Inuyasha smiled, happiness spreading through him at being able to witness the ordinary family moment. If anyone deserved that, it was Shippo.

"Ooh ga w'at papa." Katsu gushed, his green eyes lit up in excitement.

Shippo smiled, the adoration in his eyes as he stroked his son's hair clear to see. "What is it Katsu."

Without turning his head, Katsu aimed his tiny arm back where his father stood behind him. "Daddy say bad stuffs."

"You little snitch..." Koga growled.

Shippo chuckled, bringing his gaze up to meet his husband's but immediately turned his head further to the right after finally taking notice of the silent visitor in the living room. He turned back to Koga with a confused tilt of his head. "I didn't know you were expecting company today."

The wolf closed the small space between them and took Katsu before leaning down to place a quick kiss to the smaller pink pair below. "I'm not. He's here for you."

"Me?" Shipo asked in disbelief, turning to unknowingly face his old friend once more. The hanyou knew exactly when recognition took place in those emerald eyes. Shippo stared at his hanyou ears before looking into his golden eyes. "Inuyasha?" He questioned in disbelief, his mouth slightly parted.

Inuyasha tried for a smile but couldn't quite manage it. "Hi Shippo."

Shippo looked to his husband with wide eyes before quickly looking back to the nervous hanyou. The fox quickly made his way past his husband and child before walking into the same space as the hanyou, silent wonder in his eyes as he drank in his old friend. Inuyasha staggered back at his arms suddenly being filled with a not so small fox. He kept his arms around to support Shippo as the fox leaned against him, his body quaking against him. Shippo's fingers curled into his shirt. The sharp smell of tears hit him and his own eyes began watering in response. He was the reason for those tears.

"I'm sorry Shippo." He whispered down into the pointed ear.

The fox slowly leaned away, quickly wiping his face as he looked at his old friend. "It's really you," he breathed in disbelief with a shake off his head, his eyes wide. "How. When."

Inuyasha noticed Koga as he made his way out of the living room and disappeared with Katsu down the hallway. The hanyou led them to the couch, the two facing one another. Usually being on the receiving end of such a critical look would irritate him but he let Shippo's blatant once over slide. It'd been ten years after all.

"I only got back a few days ago. I've been staying with ma. Only other person who knows I'm here is Miroku." Shippo nodded.

"As far as how I'm here.. Even I'm not entirely sure. I.. I never planned on coming back. I feel coming back home is the only way for me to have peace."

"Inuyasha... you've been gone for ten years. Have you been hurting all this time? All alone?" The fox asked, his tone holding his sadness. Tears ran slowly down his face.

"Yeah," the hanyou admitted softly. "I guess I have."

"Why didn't you ever call?" Shippo asked, the first signs of irritation slipping through. His hand balling into tight fists in his lap. "Even if you never came back, what could it have hurt to at least keep in contact with us? For all we knew you were dead Inuyasha."

"Shippo," he fixed his lips to say more but no words came. He looked at Shippo's hurt. He knew coming back would be complicated. This pain. The hurt. He knew reuniting with his old friends wouldn't be completely smooth sailing. He guessed secretly he'd been hoping seeing Shippo and Kagome would go over as easy as seeing Miroku had been. They had every right to be upset.

"Inuyasha?"

His eyes snapped over to the fox's concerned face. "Look, I'm sor-"

"Don't." Inuyasha shook his head slowly. "You have no reason to apologize. Your right. Maybe I should've at least reached out to let you guys know nothing had happened to me. But the reason I left the way I did is because I knew you guys would try to stop me. You knew what a wreck I was after losing my daughter. I could hardly look after myself. You guys had your own lives to live without trying to look after me. You didn't need me holding you back Shippo."

"Your right. I would have tried to stop you. The last thing you needed was to be alone. You were my friend Inuyasha. You were the only family I had left. I would've done anything to help you get better. Only to find out that you had left... It hurt. And I was angry. I was pissed with you for a long time."

The fox shook his head as he tipped his head back towards the ceiling. "But.. I was young and stupid then. It was never about me. About any of us. You'd lost your baby and there I was being angry at you all because you left. I didn't understand it completely then but now that I have Katsu..."

Shippo's looked back towards him. "I wish you would've at least stayed in touch but I stopped being bitter a long time ago. In my mind, I thought you were being selfish. In a way I guess you were but I can honestly say now I know you weren't trying to hurt us. But it didn't seem that way at the time. All I could focus on was we were right there for you and you just left without a word. You'd hurt your parents. Your friends. I knew Sesshomaru... he was really hurting."

Shippo cleared his throat. "I couldn't relate to what you had been through so I didn't fully understand your pain. It wasn't until I met Koga that I started to understand a little better. He told me each person deals with their own pain in different ways. And they get over it in their own time. So now I know. I could've stayed by your side night and day. But it would never bring Aya back to you. That was a pain you had to handle in your own time. I just wish you would've let us be there for you while you figured it out. Even if you weren't here with us."

Inuyasha licked his lips, trying to pull his thoughts together. Just hearing Shippo speak had shown just how much he had grown over the years. He was very glad the fox had met Koga. "I can't change the past or the way I did things. I wish I would've gone about it differently but it was only with you guys in mind that I left the way I did. In truth, I did know I would be hurting you guys. But I knew it would only really hurt for a little while. I can't even begin to tell you how glad I am you met Koga. I can already tell he's crazy about you and Katsu. That's what I wanted for you Shippo. To live out your life without having to constantly worry about me. That's all I wanted for everyone."

Tears welled anew in both of their eyes and they wiped them away, both with small smiles. Small breathless huffs of laughter leaving them at their excessive crying. Both feeling silly. But he was just glad that for once, they weren't sad tears.

"I-I.." Shippo began, worrying his lips with his fang. "Can I hug you again?"

His mouth parted slightly in amazement. He blinked back the stinging sensation in his eyes. "Of course." He nodded.

He opened his arms and the fox immediately scooted closer. Inuyasha laid back, content with the feel of the heated body against his. He brought a hand up to stroke Shippo's hair as they sat in silence, Shippo's head on his shoulder. He smiled to himself, thinking of their younger days when they found themselves alone. He had always thought of Shippo as the little kid brother he never had while growing up. They'd been close. A bond of their own that differed from the ones he shared with Kagome and Miroku. They had family to go back to at the end of the day. Shippo had been raised in a home of people he felt no real connection with. He had grown up with no real love. After Kagome, Shippo had known him the longest out of their little group of friends. He never wanted to hurt Shippo, but told himself it had to be done. He was just glad it had worked itself out in the end for his little friend. He was proud of the life Shippo had made for himself. He'd become the medical assistant he always wanted to be. Gotten married to a seemingly decent guy. Had a healthy baby boy. He wasn't alone.

Shippo shifted with a sigh and Inuyasha's fingers stopped their ministrations. He frowned, tilting his head to take a more concentrated inhale. His eyes widened in surprise, heart beginning to pump in overtime. Shippo turned his head at the sudden rigidness of the body beneath him. He frowned. "What. What is it?"

"Shippo," he started, his lips slowly curving upwards. Laughter leaving him in stunned realization. "Your pregnant."

The fox quickly raised from his perch, eyeing the hanyou with a searching look. "Yeah. I know. I make seven weeks tomorrow."

He blinked. "You could've told me. This is great news."

Shippo chuckled with a shake off his head. "I was pretty occupied if you remember. Honestly, it slipped my mind." He paused. "Your okay right? I can move away if-"

"What. No," he shook his head. "You don't need to move Shippo. I'm fine."

Good God. That was the second time his friends had felt the need to tiptoe around him when talking about their children. He really had been in such a dark place before he left. Of course his broken image would be the last thing they remembered. He imagined they thought he'd start breaking down at any mention of a baby. Maybe he would have at one point.

"Congratulations," he smiled. "I'm happy for you."

"Yeah?" The fox laid his head back down. "I'm glad your back. Does this mean your staying for good?"

"Yeah. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."

"Good. Cause this baby's gonna need a goddaddy." He whispered almost shyly.

"Shippo," he breathed, the astonishment clear. He pulled away to stare into his face. "You would trust me with something like that? Even after everything that's happened?"

The fox shrugged with a smile. "Of course. I know how you were with Aya. You loved her. Should anything ever happen to me or Koga, you'd be the first person I would choose for something like that. I know it's a lot to ask so soon-"

"I'd do it in a heartbeat." He cut in. For Shippo, he would at least try. He knew it'd kill the fox to have his children endure the same upbringing he had. "I just... I can't believe you asked me that."

"You made raising your daughter look easy," Shippo groaned which caused Inuyasha to laugh. "I wish I had your help with Katsu. Me and Koga didn't know what the hell we were doing. Well. Not in the beginning."

"Seems to me you did alright."

"Yeah. Katsu's a great kid." He said with all of the affection of a loving parent.

They fell into a comfortable silence until the fox spoke. "What are you going to say to Sesshomaru? I hate to be the one to say it, but I don't think he's going to be too happy when he sees you."

Inuyasha cleared his throat, shifting slightly in his sudden discomfort. "He's not going to see me Shippo."

"What," Shippo shouted, head whirling to look at him. "Your not going to let him know your back? I think that's something he would want to know."

"Miroku told me. About his drinking." He watched as the sandy haired boy turned his gaze away. "That can't happen again. I refuse to let it be because of me again."

"What about you Inuyasha? Don't you still love him?"

Inuyasha looked to Shippo. As much as the fox seemed to mature over the years, he guessed there would still always be a bit of naivety in him. An innocence untouched.

"I'll always love him Shippo. If I felt him seeing me wouldn't be a potential trigger, I would reach out. I want to but I can't. It's because I love him that I'm not going let him see me. I can't do that to him."

Shippo reached over and took his hands in his own, slowly smoothing out his fists until they unfurled. "Okay. I get it. It's just.. You guys are still technically married right? How are you guys supposed to move on with that still between you? You can't get a divorce if one of you doesn't begin the process."

It was his turn to look away. Divorce. His heart squeezed just at the mention of that dreadful word. To loose his only connection to the man he loved. It was one of the only things that kept him anchored over the years. If he lost even that little bit, what could he even say he had then? There was no appeal in going back to being an Ikeda after everything that had happened between them. He wanted to keep anything he could of Sesshomaru. Their Aya was a Shimizu. He wanted to remain a Shimizu.

"Unless.. you don't plan on divorcing him." Shippo said slowly. "Inuyasha. I love you but.. you know that's not fair. To either of you."

He sniffed. "Never said it was. But it's all I have left." His voice barely a whisper.

Shippo sighed but thankfully didn't say anymore. Inuyasha felt the warm body of his friend flush against his once more and fell quiet.

...

He squeezed his eyes and turned his head at the weird sensation over his knees. His eyebrows moved closer in his displeasure as whatever was bugging him was proving to be persistent. He sighed before accepting he was being disturbed and blinked his eyes open.

He looked around, not recognizing the surroundings. A giggle from his left pulled his attention and he relaxed back into the couch. Seeing Katsu reminded him of where he was. He must've fallen asleep.

A smile found his lips before he knew it as he watched Katsu clumsily make his way up the couch with them. He leaned his little face towards Shippo, who was still laying against him. Eyes closed and his breathing deep and relaxed. Katsu's little hands lightly rubbing his papa's cheeks. Giggles leaving him.

The fox shifted before groaning, "Katsu. Lemme 'lone kay? Papa's sleepy."

Inuyasha laughed and Shippo's sleep heavy eyes turned towards him. A tired smile finding him. "Sorry. Didn't mean to fall asleep on you."

"It's fine. Your son woke me up."

Shippo hummed and Inuyasha watched him as he moved away. The fox stood, holding his son to him. Lightly bouncing him in his arms. "Hey Katsu. Did daddy leave for work?" He yawned before leaning down to kiss his child's forehead. He turned to Inuyasha. "I'll be right back."

Inuyasha nodded and Shippo turned towards the hallway in search of his husband. Inuyasha pulled out his cellphone, seeing it was four sixteen pm. Damn they'd been asleep for a few hours. He should probably leave soon. Though a part of him was reluctant to go, he hadn't meant to stay here this long. There was something else he had wanted to handle while in the inner city but decided to push it back another day. Maybe he could visit his old home when he drove back this way to see Kagome.

His ears perked up and he turned towards the hallway, seeing Katsu soon break through and run straight to him. His eyes widened at the small child that suddenly tried to climb into his lap. His heart had leapt into his throat. He tampered down the immediate urge to turn him away. He hadn't held a baby since...

Aya had been bigger than Katsu. Three years older than what he was now.

Once seeing Katsu was becoming frustrated in trying to get higher, he immediately held out his arms, heart soaring at the tiny arms that reached out to him as well. An instinctual need to soothe him. Shock held him at the tiny lips that quickly found his cheek, Katsu pulling back to stare at him with a large smile. His green eyes twinkling with a child's mirth. Uncertain laughter left him as he stared at the little dark haired boy in confusion. Katsu giggled before simply laying his head down on his shoulder. He gripped him tighter, a myriad of emotions leaving him at the warm, little body laying against his left shoulder.

It was so strange to hold onto a child after so many years. Yet, it felt just like it'd always been. Apprehension warred with the calming effect that wanted to envelope him. He shouldn't be holding someone else's kid. It felt so wrong. He hadn't even been able to protect his own daughter. This was.. wrong.

But the part that had loved having Aya close. The side of him that had loved caring for his daughter didn't want to let go. He listened to Katsu's breathing gradually slow, yawns passing his lips. The innocent, enticing scent that could only belong to a child too young to understand the ways of the world filled him. All he could think of was Aya.

"Katsu?" Shippo's voice rang out, footsteps coming closer. They came to a stop and Inuyasha turned, seeing Shippo watching them with wide eyes. His mouth parted, lips suspiciously looking as if they wanted to turn upward. He expected the fox to immediately come and take his son but he did no such thing. Just stood there gaping.

"Uh, Shippo?" Inuyasha started.

The fox blinked as if pulled from thought. "Yeah, sorry." He came forward and took in his son's sleeping face before turning to his friend. "I can't believe it. He chose you."

He frowned. "Chose me?"

Shippo shook his head, taking a seat beside them, watching his son and friend. "It's this stupid thing me and Koga started a while back. We always ask Katsu to choose who he wants to give his kisses to before one of us leaves for work. He turned and hightailed it out of our room. Looks like he chose you." He finished with a chesire grin.

Inuyasha raised an eyebrow, choosing not to comment on that. "You should go lay him down in his bed." It was hard holding Katsu as it was but found being on the receiving of someone's stare while doing so even harder. He was very self conscious in this moment.

"I don't know. He looks pretty comfortable where he's at." At seeing his friend's clearly unimpressed look, he pouted. "Fine." He gently grabbed Katsu so at to not disturb him before disappearing.

Inuyasha stood up, figuring it was time to head back home. Koga came into view, wearing an untucked tan work uniform top and black slacks. A duty belt secured around him. A security guard. He was fixing his shirt before looking up towards Inuyasha.

"Uh, thanks." He started awkwardly. "For today. And for taking care of Shippo."

"Tch. Just doing what I gotta," The wolf said with a light shrug. "Don't need thanks for that."

"Right." He nodded.

They both turned at the reappearance of the fox they both cared for. He made his way over to the wolf demon. "Have a good night at work."

Koga grunted before leaning to kiss the fox. "Don't know how good it'll be. I'll see you in the morning."

Koga tipped his head towards the hanyou and he nodded back. He watched him leave out the door before turning back to Shippo. "I'd better get going too."

"Ah, really?" Shippo moaned, his disappointment clear. "Feels like we barely got time to catch up."

He nodded sadly. "I know. But you know your always welcome to stop by ma's place. That's where I'll be for a while."

"I.. I'm really glad your back. Even if it didn't seem like it earlier. It was just a shock, ya know?"

"Yeah, I get it." It was a shock still actually being back in Tokyo.

"I'm not gonna pretend things won't be a little awkward between us for a while. We're gonna have to get to know each other all over again. I may not exactly be the same person you left ten years ago."

"I know. And I really want to. I wasn't here before but I'm here now and I want to get to know the new people my friends have become. That's only if I'm wanted. I won't force myself on anyone."

Shippo nodded. "I would like for you to see the life I've made for myself. If there's one thing I learned over the years is life is to precious to waste it being angry over things beyond our control. I want you to be happy. Eventually build a life for yourself you can actually be content with. I would like to be able to see that for you."

"Maybe one day." He shrugged. "As of now, it's still a one day at a time thing."

"One day."

They stared at one another in silence before leaning in, arms going around the other. He looked forward to the day where days could truly be like old times, without the burden of sad memories constantly plaguing them. He wanted that too what the fox wished for him but did not see how that would be possible without the man he still loved by his side. He would try to live for Aya. But not just for Aya. He would really try to put his past behind him and live out his life in peace. His mind and heart were constantly in chaos but not at this moment. Not with his friend forgiving him and giving him another chance at closeness. He knew the best thing he could hope for was to live out a life without constantly wishing for his old one. If he could have that, maybe he could be at least okay one day. Maybe.

He pulled away with a small and walked to the door, Shippo seeing him out. "Tell Ms. Izayoi I said hello and I'll be by with Katsu soon."

He smiled before turning around to see Shippo leaning in the doorway. "I'll tell her. Bye Shippo."

"Bye Yash."

He walked towards his car and climbed inside, turning to see his friend disappear back inside his home. He stared at the home for a while before shaking his head. A small smile found a home on his lips as he started up the car.

Yeah, maybe one day he'd be okay.

* * *

 **AN** : Sorry this update wasn't very exciting. I'm ready to get to the good stuff and I'm the one writing this lol. But I guesstimate no more than two chapters before we get down to the nitty gritty. I'm already looking forward to writing out those barrage of emotions.

I shall try - _try_ \- to have chapter three up before the end of this month. Speaking of February, hopefully everyone had a nice Valentine's Day.

And of course, see ya when I see ya. :*


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Rant** : This is long overdue and I apologize. Been busy and mentally exhausted. It's really as simple as that. Anyway. Hope y'all still interested.

And I hope you enjoy. . .

 **Chapter 3**

* * *

"Alright, little lady. What is up with you and keeping things from me?"

His mother sipped her tea from her white tea cup but there was no mistaking the amused tilt of her lips. "I have no idea what you're referring to my son."

He raised a brow as he took a seat across from her at the kitchen table. "Of course you don't. So you had no idea Shippo had a child?"

"Oh, that." She replied off hand.

His mouth dropped. "Yes, that ma. Had I known I would-"

"You would've found every reason not to go." She finished knowingly, taking a dainty sip of the hot, brown liquid. "In your mind, you'd have stayed away for some reason you'd have deemed as noble. Maybe something along the lines of staying away for not wanting to disrupt the life of Shippo's family for Katsu's sake. When that child has no idea what's going on."

He sat there, stunned. Because that was exactly right. Had he known of Katsu's existence he wouldn't have wanted to disrupt the flow in his family's life with his reappearance possibly turning out to be a bad thing. He eyed her. "That's creepy ma."

She did smile then. "Call it what you will. Either way, it appears I was right. You staying away wouldn't have done anyone any good. You needed to see Shippo and I believe he needed to see you as well. I can already see you visiting him went well."

"Yeah, and how do you know that?" He asked.

"Because you came in here looking exactly as you did when you came from seeing Miroku. It's in your eyes Inuyasha."

"My eyes?" He blinked, suddenly feeling a bit self conscious. What could she see just from looking into his eyes?

She made a humming noise. "Yes. There's happiness there. I know your friends accepting you weighed heavily on your mind. I believe seeing your friends will be what you need to begin your process of healing. I'm glad it went well." Another sip. "Tell me. How did you feel seeing the man he's grown into?"

"I'm happy for him." He replied honestly. "He's doing exactly what he always wanted to do. He's married and has a kid. He made his own life from essentially nothing. I'm proud of him."

"I know."

"He says hi by the way." He told her, leaning back in his seat. "And he'll be bringing Katsu by one of these days."

"Good. It seems I haven't seen that sweet little boy in quite some time."

He nodded.

Inuyasha turned his head at the close examination he knew he was on the receiving end of.

"I know it's hard now son. Things may take time but it is what we do during that time that will prove to be healing or hindering. I imagine it's scary as well. The prospect of opening old wounds. Embracing the things that hurt us. But it is necessary. Closing off something that hurt you is nothing more than that. We may harden our hearts, and we may even be able to resist our sorrows and grief for a time. By doing that, we also miss out on love and forgiveness."

He turned to face her. "I'm willing to try ma. That's all I can say at this point."

He wanted to forgive himself but it was easier said than done. He wanted peace just as everyone else seemed to want it for him. There was a war of conflicting emotions inside him. Still hopelessly pining for a man that was beyond his reach as he very well should be. Being another reason for his hurt and wanting to take it away all in the same breath. Losing his daughter and still selfishly wanting her here. His heart and mind wanted two very different things. His mind knew he had no right to want Sesshomaru any longer while leaving him when he too was hurting over their daughter. His princess was at peace now and to want her here just so things could be how they used to be was enough to make him disgusted with himself. He knew and yet... he could not help but want what he did.

"It's gonna take some time for me," he told her, face crinkling up at the ever familiar welling sensation making itself known. His voice slightly cracked and he cleared his throat. "I realize what the right thing to do is. It's just.. hard. I wanna be able to look back on this and say I came out stronger for it. And to know better than to repeat the mistakes of my past. But I'm a long way off from that point. All I feel now is tired. And weak. Maybe not as much as before. But.. enough to know I could be a lot better. And I'm willing to try. I'm gonna try. Because if I don't I don't know what's gonna happen to me. All can do is try ma."

She smiled at him, her own eyes looking suspiciouly glossy. "Then it is most fortunate that the only people who do not succeed are those who fail to try."

* * *

He watched the trio as the demoness talked to the smiling pair of young, dark haired humans. His amber eyes couldn't help but drift down to the obvious swell of the young woman's stomach. The subtle shift of the man as he raised his hand to rest it across the small of the shorter woman's back. Never taking his dark eyes from the chattering raven haired demoness before them. Though the pregnant female did raise her oceanic blue eyes to her companion, sending him a grateful smile before turning to the taller woman once more.

His hands clenched the steering wheel under his hands.

He quickly withdrew his hands as if something hot had scorched him once he was aware of what he was doing. He took a deep breath, getting his nerves back under his control. He nodded to himself before looking back towards the three standing in the lawn in front of the light gray-blue house. He ignored them, taking in the obviously new outside touch ups. Everything appeared brand new from the outside. He remembered the coloring being a light tannish paint. The mud brown garage door that lay to the left of the house now a pristine white. The same mud brown that had once been on the shutters and front door of the house now held in its place a deep maroon.

A new mailbox stood in the mowed of patch of grass that reside near the street's curb, separated from the house's lawn by the sidewalk.

Besides the new gloss over, the foundation was still very much the same. There was no mistaking it, this was his old home. The same home he'd shared with Aya and Sesshomaru.

He looked back to the trio at the raise of voices that reached him through the rolled up windows of the Infiniti. The two humans walked off hand in hand, smiles on their faces as they talked amongst themselves. He turned from them, seeing the dark haired demoness walk back towards the house.

He opened the car door, looking around the now quiet street. He shut door behind him and crossed the street. He eyed the white 'For Sale' sign rooted in the right side of the lawn. He noticed the front door was slightly ajar and moved towards it.

Pushing it open, he took in the layout and saw that it was still the same on this floor. Though new painting adorned the now white walls and a large gold chandelier in the living room was the new addition. The fireplace quiet and cold.

He moved in further, still seeing no sign of the demoness. He eyed the newly refurbished kitchen that reside to his left. Remembering what it used to look and feel like.

...

"Say papa, Aya."

"Poppy!"

"No," he said slowly, "say pa-pa."

The fifteen month old girl smiled, her tiny arm happily wringing the red sippy cup in the air. "Poppy!"

He shook his head, exasperation and fondness finding him all in one. "You're hopeless kid."

He turned at seeing Sesshomaru walk into the kitchen, his chiseled frame hidden behind the dark gray tailored suit he adorned, his silver white locks bound behind him in an untucked high ponytail. A black notebook carrying case hanging from his left hand.

Inuyasha turned back to Aya, wiping the glob of food that she spit onto her chin with the bib around her neck. "You're supposed to keep the food in your mouth Aya." He lightly admonished, simultaneously bringing another mouthful of baby food her way.

"So you've finally learned that lesson as well." Came the lazy drawl from behind him.

He looked back to the other, raising an eyebrow with a tilt of his head. "You wanna come do this smartass?"

Sesshomaru poured coffee into a stainless steel travel mug, tilting his head slightly towards the hanyou. "No." He said resolutely and without doubt.

He turned back to his daughter with a laugh. His smile setting off a chorus of giggles in Aya. He lifted another spoonful of mushed banana and strawberries towards her mouth. "Your daddy is an idiot. Can you say idiot?"

...

He smiled at the memory before walking into the long hallway, opening the first door to his right. A small half bathroom.

He softly closed it back and opened the first door to the left of the hallway. It was as he expected, still nothing more than a small closet. He turned to the door to the right of the closet, pushing it open to see a large bedroom. Soft dark brown carpet under him as he ventured inside. This had been the guest room for visitors who needed to spend the night here. His family had all had rooms upstairs.

He ignored the connecting closed door in the room, knowing a full bathroom lay beyond.

He walked back out and quickly made for the carpeted stairs. He stopped at his arrival to the landing, instantly eyeing the closed door to the right. He knew it wouldn't be what it once was and he mentally prepared himself for that. He swallowed down the lump that had formed in his throat and moved forward. He let out a breath and slowly pushed the white door open.

He looked around as he moved in further, heart dropping as he took in the plain details. White, everything was unbearably new. The walls were no longer its pale pink with intricate designs of angels and rainbows running along the top. He looked around, no traces of his baby girl remained. He'd known but it was a hard pill to swallow. They had raised her here. This had been her room. It just didn't seem right for it to be so empty.

The shimmering plastic stars and planets that had hung from the ceiling were gone. No bed with a mountain of stuffed animals that acted as pillows lay here.

Most importantly, no little silver haired girl demanding her nightly bedtime stories.

...

"Please Poppy." his little three year old princess pleaded. "Can you read the one with the evil queen that turned good? Please?" Her golden eyes wide and pleading as she lay tucked in bed with one of the various stuffed plushies in her arms.

He chuckled. As if he'd actually be able to resist her when she looked at him like that. "Sure baby. But aren't you tired of that one? What about Goldilocks and the three bears?"

She shook her head. "I like the other one."

"Fine." He got up and took the book from its perch on the small bookshelf and turned back to her purple covered bed. "Once upon a ti-"

"No, wait Poppy." She turned anxious eyes to the right, drawing his attention behind him. He grinned at seeing the silent, watchful demon leaning against the doorway.

Sesshomaru moved further into the room without a word, already knowing what it was their daughter wanted. He crouched besides her on the side of the bed and lightly kissed her forehead. She sighed, turning into his touch until he pulled away. She turned sleepy eyes back to her papa. "Okay."

Inuyasha started reading her favorite story, sending fleeting glances towards Aya until he deemed her to be truly asleep. He closed the book and sat up before placing the book back in its proper place. He walked out of the room and turned as Sesshomaru closed Aya's door behind them, keeping it slightly ajar.

He smirked at the arms that came and encircled his waist. He leaned up at the lips that sought his own, moaning at the slow sensual movements of his husband. He broke away, looking into half lidded eyes. "How was your day." He inquired lowly.

"Tiresome."

"Oh really," he exclaimed in mock surprise before leaning up towards his husband's neck. He planted a few slow kisses before pulling away with a bite of his lip. "Cause I was kinda hoping you would join me in the shower." His words low with a playful huskiness. "But if your really that tired," he started, pulling away from his husband's warm embrace, and turning to their bedroom. "Then I'll let you ge-"

A bubble of laughter left him at the hand that reached for his own and spun him back around, in his husband's arms once more.

"I am never too tired for you Inuyasha." The dog demon replied, his voice taking on a deeper tone. The hanyou readily tilted his head to the side, eyes falling shut at the light nips placed onto his neck.

"Good," he whispered hotly. Sesshomaru pulled back and took his lips, the motions behind his actions a lot more hunger driven. Inuyasha responded in kind, those wonderfully skilled lips wringing moans from him that he tried to remember to tamper down for their daughter's sake. He gasped at suddenly being lifted into the air, instantly wrapping his arms around the neck before him. The daiyoukai's large hands under his knees. "Missed you." He murmured at the temporary lapse to catch their breath.

"And I you." Came the immediate response as the demon calmly walked them towards the bedroom directly across from Aya's. Inuyasha busied himself with kissing his husband as the demon shut the door behind them.

...

He shook his head, quickly dispelling that train of thought. He left Aya's room and skipped the bathroom that lay between Aya's old bedroom and the master bedroom. He watched the closed door, practically feeling the flood of negative energy from this side.

Turning the knob, he slowly ventured in, taking in the emptiness. Unlike Aya's room, the barrenness seemed appropriate here. His eyes told him this was nothing more than an empty bedroom, but his mind's eye could clearly see the old room he once shared with his husband. The good memories were there, but they were out done by the replaying image of his broken self. He'd spent months locked inside here. All by his own doing. He hadn't wanted to leave the bed let alone the house.

...

He instantly closed his eyes at the sound of the bedroom door opening.

"I know you're not asleep Inuyasha." He opened his swollen eyes in defeat but kept his back turned. He huddled in closer towards the mattress with the covers over him at the soft footfalls over the carpet. He stared towards the window, intently watching the clear blue sky. His stomach clenched at what he knew was coming.

He tensed at the body that slid into the bed behind him, deathly still at the arm that came to wound around his waist. He felt the soft huffs of air that blew across the top of his head and his ears. The warm heat attached to the silver haired demon behind him. He closed his eyes at the familiar scent he'd grown accustomed to.

"The others. They're worried about you."

He knew that. When he came out of his moments of internal reflection and replaying the image of witnessing his daughter's death before his very eyes, he knew. What could he say? He didn't think he'd ever get past this and telling them that would only make them worry for him more. His parents called practically every hour without fail and he was grateful Sesshomaru was the one to persuade them to stay home most times. He knew what he was doing, or more like what he wasn't doing, was affecting them.

Especially his friends. They wore their expressions on their sleeves and it bothered him. He wanted to reassure them but simply couldn't find the energy to do so.

Sesshomaru. . . just being near him hurt at times. He honestly didn't understand how the other could stand to touch him. He was essentially the reason their little girl was gone. He never yelled. Didn't try to hurt him. Not even with words. So he punished himself enough for the both of them. He didn't turn around in his love's arms like he wanted to. Didn't cry to his heart's content and scream at the unfairness of it all. Because he already knew what the other would say. What'd he'd been saying for the past five months. It wasn't his fault.

But it was. Why couldn't they see what he did?

He couldn't even get better. What kind of life was this? How was it possible to feel numb and so much pain all in one.

His friends were consumed with the need to see him better and he felt as if he never would be. All he could do was sit there and wallow in his shame. He could see them. He did see them. Felt them. Could hear their hearts beat. Yet it was like they weren't really there. Or maybe he was the one really gone. He didn't know anymore.

And Sesshomaru.. He was overly aware of his presence. He couldn't ignore him. He knew he wasn't being a very good spouse. He couldn't see to his husband's needs. Be his support system. It was hard just looking at him. It would remind him of Aya.

"Inuyasha. I need you to be here with me. Right here. In this moment. I need you."

Tears streamed down his face. 'No you don't. I'm the last thing you need.'

He didn't fight the hand that reached out to grab his but he didn't reach back for him. Because it would be hard enough doing what he had to do without lingering feelings holding him back.

...

His eyes blinked rapidly, a shaky hand wiping the trail of fresh tears away. Leaving had been one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do. He knew what he was doing to his loved ones and couldn't stand to see them trying so hard to reach out to him. The worry in their eyes when they saw their efforts were for naught. He was constantly stuck within the boundaries of his mind.

He couldn't keep Sesshomaru bound to him. It wasn't right. He knew and his heart screamed for him to shutup. How could he keep the demon bound to him that way. Coming here -in this sad space- cemented that fact. . Sesshomaru had done everything he could for him and he'd been so lost. Sesshomaru deserved to be free from him. Completely. Even if he felt sick at the mere idea of actually losing his last ties to Sesshomaru. He'd come back here to heal. Move on with his life. And refusing Sesshomaru the chance to do the same was wrong. One day he would have to face this man. They would go through what he hoped would be a short legal matter. Like ripping off a band-aid. Possibly face words of hate. Even worse would be seeing it in his eyes. He would have to do it. He couldn't be selfish to the man who had served as the glue keeping him together these past ten years.

One day he would. When he could smile through his pain and actually appear genuine. Then he'd descend himself into the pain of losing another once more.

He whirled from the room, deciding he'd seen enough. He quickly went down the stairs and towards the door. It was only then he heard the stuttered surprise of the realtor who emerged from the garage. He ignored her calling out to him and quickly made his way to his car. He started up the car with silent tears running down his face. Why did everything have to hurt so bad?

* * *

He hadn't left the car since arriving to the park, content to watch the trio sitting under the shade of a large tree. Red and white blanket laid over the grass, picnic basket open and ignored as the three munched away at their sandwiches and juices. Looking every bit like a close knit family. The two little ones smiling happily at each other before throwing the occasional grin towards the dark haired woman. A smile would find his lips every time she'd smile back, her dark eyes lighting up in amusement.

The little girl looked just like her. Her brown eyes just as wide and beautiful. The same fair skin complexion. Their ebony locks identical, it stopping around the middle of her back. Unlike her mother's, her bangs framed either side of her forehead. Her small frame clad in a yellow dress that stopped at her knees. She appeared to be around five years old.

Her son had her dark tresses as well, but that was it as far as appearances went. He was the spitting image of his father. The two sharing the same blue eyes. Even the way their hair laid was similar. He sported tan cargo shorts and a black T-shirt with a red dragon donning the front. He couldn't have been any older than seven years old. He wondered if he would act like his father as well. It was clear to see Hojo hadn't changed as far as personalities went but he couldn't find any fault with that. Still a little naive but kind and thoughtful. Which was all that mattered really. It was good to see his eyes still lit up at the mention of Kagome. The way they always did when they'd been in high school. He hadn't realized how glad he'd be seeing the brown haired man's face again after so many years. Their only common interest the black haired woman they both cared for. He'd been glad for the warm welcome back but it was the man's wife's reception he was worried about.

He'd been watching her ever since, after getting her whereabouts from Hojo. She was still a sight. She seemed to be even more beautiful with her aging. She looked so business-like in her dark gray slacks and matching long-sleeved jacket. Pointy toed, short-heeled black boots adorning her feet. Her locks a cascade of ebony around her. He'd left her as an twenty-nine year old botanist who had been making a name for herself at a well-known university she had scored a placement in. She'd always been curiously aware of the world around them. Seeming to sense things no one paid particularly close attention to.

He was content to watch her smile with her children, not having seen it in so very long. He didn't want to be the reason she stopped smiling. Seeing his oldest friend's pain before his very eyes and knowing he was the cause of it.

...

He watched the other's walk away before looking back towards the girl sitting alone on the harsh black top of the playground, her soft sobs reaching him even from his post of observation. He didn't understand. From what'd he'd seen, they all appeared to be having fun. The young hanyou had wanted to join them but stayed away from fear of rejection. He'd been content watching them circle around the dark haired girl as they chanted out the words to their game.

He didn't cry in front of others like this girl, but it made him sad when people said bad stuff about his ears. He couldn't help he had funny ears just like the girl couldn't help her name was the name of the game they played.

He watched her cry before deciding to stand up from his seat on top of his red ball. He grabbed it before walking towards her, his approach drawing her attention. She locked eyes with him before hastily wiping away at her eyes, standing up to face him as he grew near.

He watched her watch him and felt tongue tied. He'd never actually done this and stood in silence. Her watery brown eyes dropped to the bouncy ball in his little hands before once again staring into him. Seeing that reminded him why he'd come to her in the first place. He held it out to her, watching closely for her reaction. She blinked as if coming out of a reverie before looking at him blankly. He frowned.

"Here," he insisted with a shake of his hands.

"You. . .give this to me?" She asked softly, her voice as hesitant as her expression. Not reaching out for the offered toy.

He nodded, still waiting for her to reach out and grab it. She reached for it then, looking down at it in a daze before a blinding smile slowly stretched across her lips. She looked up and he felt his own lips curve upwards before he walked closer. Her eyes widened as he stood on his toes to pat her head a few times. Something that somehow always made him feel better when his father did that to him when he was sad.

"Kagome! Inuyasha!" They startled, both of their heads turning to stare up at a brown haired, middle aged human woman waving to them. "Recess is over. Come now. It's time to return to your classrooms."

He raced forward at the command, never noticing the dark haired girl's slower pace, clutching the ball in her hands as her eyes stayed locked onto the hanyou boy's retreating back.

Luckily for him he hadn't gotten in trouble when his father asked what happened to his ball after picking him up from school later that day. His father smiled before promising to get him a new one.

The next day he watched the other kids play the same game from his perch on the swing. He listened to their laughs and took in their smiles. Too caught up to see the dark haired girl from yesterday slowly walking his way. Red ball in hand. Sporting two small buns on either side of the top of her head today. A knee length black dress with designs of small red flowers on the front.

He finally noticed her presence after she came to a stop, her eyes locked onto his as she clutched the ball as if it were a lifeline. He tilted his head slightly at the weird look that suddenly came over her before she marched the few remaining steps towards him. He looked down at her as she held the ball between them with a soft smile. "Wanna play?"

He stilled, not having been asked that question. He looked to her and saw that her smile never wavered. Maybe she was like him, he decided. He looked back to the other children. Still in their own little world. He turned back to her, a slight tremble in her arms. He hopped down from the swing, his turn to look up at her. "Okay." He smiled, grabbing her wrist and pulling her to a more isolated place on the black top.

He marched them forward, turning back to her at the feel of another hand slipping into his own. Her smile enough to send his little heart racing.

...

He smiled down at his hands. The rest as they say, is history. She'd been his very best friend since their early years of elementary. His first friend. He'd been that for her as well. They'd been inseparable ever since. Until he left. It was the main reason he was currently glued to his seat. He hadn't kept his promise to her.

...

"Inuyasha."

"What is it Kagome?" He asked, never looking away from his observation of the quickly fading sun. The sky fading into a soft swirl of blue and purple. The two sitting in one of their visited secret spots. A small cliff that overlooked a portion of the city. The sounds of the people and cars barely piercing their secret haven.

"I want you to promise me something." She said softly and in a voice she didn't normally use.

He looked to her from his slouch against the base of a large tree, bringing his arms down from behind his neck. He turned his body towards her, giving her his entire attention. "Okay," he drawled slowly as he scooted closer to her. "You know I will if I can."

Her lips curled upwards before she too turned her head towards him from her watch of the steadily darkening sky. It wasn't hard to see it wasn't her usual smile. "Just promise me you'll never leave."

His brows furrowed. "I'm not going anywhere."

She looked down to her lap, that same sad smile adorning her lips. "Promise me we'll be friends forever Inuyasha. Don't leave me."

"Kagome.." He breathed. He watched her and wondered what had gotten to her like this. It made him feel weird seeing her like this. This was something he could do seeing as he had no desire to break off their friendship. He didn't want to leave either. "I promise." He uttered softly.

Her head whipped up, looking to him before staring out into the darkness before them. The tilt of her lips more like the Kagome he knew.

...

He'd meant his promise with every part of his being. He never planned on leaving her or his family. He had made that promise thinking he'd have no problems keeping it. Then life happened. He'd met the most amazing man and fallen in love. They had a little girl. He'd been happy. Then the unthinkable happened.

He'd had many moments like these where he questioned if reentering an old friend's life was worth the pain. The unnecessary complications. Kagome had children of her own now. Something he hadn't been there for. To be her support system the way she'd been for him when he'd carried Aya. Hadn't been there to celebrate with her in her advancements and the accomplishments of her career. He'd missed a good portion of her life.

His intentions had been good and this was exactly what he wanted. For the people he cared for to live out there days without worrying about him every second of everyday. He'd gotten what he wanted. Coming back had never been a part of that plan.

She deserved to know he was back. He'd just been pushing it back until he could no more. Whatever she decided would be how it would stay. He wouldn't push himself onto anybody. Not even her.

He took a slow breath before turning to open the car door. He looked around the street, seeing it was mostly deserted. He closed the door behind him before walking around the back of the car to start his trek to his old friend.

He was grateful when the kids suddenly ran away to the nearby park. Kagome watched them go with a smile before turning to clean and pack up their stuff. He neared her, every step closer making him want to turn back around. His stomach rolled so bad it was painful. He slowed as he approached her. The human stood up, trash in hand and turned his way.

She recognized him instantly.

The trash lay forgotten at her feet, a hand clamped over her mouth as she looked to the hanyou she hadn't seen in ten years. Tears welled in her eyes and his were already free flowing silently down his face.

He saw her face and hated being the reason for for those tears. He'd known he'd be the reason she was no longer smiling. Taking a deep breath, he started to close the space between them and that seemed to make the dark haired human cry harder. Her soft sobs easily reaching him. Each step close to her pain like a slowly twisting knife to his own bruised heart.

She looked at him much like she did in her youth, though this time the tears sliding down her face the last thing on her mind. Her eyes took him in greedily before looking into him with wide eyes.

"W-Wh- How," she breathed with a frown. "What are you-"

"Came back," he said lowly, a lump in his throat. "For good this time."

Her hand slowly reached up to her forehead as she looked to him, messing up the bangs that lay there. "Why? Why come back at all." She asked with a visible swallow, her eyes hesitant as she awaited his answer. "You've been gone for ten years. Why come back now."

"I had to." He expressed, his eyes never leaving hers. "This is my home. I left everything I knew here. I left everything that ever mattered to me here in this city. I thought it was the solution."

"That's right. You left," she breathed, her eyes steady. "And now your back," she said with an awkward shrug. A pained tilt of her lips that evened out into a thin line. "What am I supposed to say to this? How is that you want me to react because. . I really don't know."

He closed his eyes. "Whatever you feel is your right to feel that way," he sighed, opening his eyes. "You have every right to send me away. I left you. .broke my promise. I hope you can forgive me, Kagome."

She looked away with a shake of her head, hands going up to wipe her face before turning back to Inuyasha. "You leave without a word and come back expecting things to be the way they used to. What right do you have to dictate other's life that way? You can't leave and go as you please."

"I left with you guys in mind. That was no way for you guys to live. Worrying about me all the time." He sniffled. "All I wanted what was best for you."

"How was you leaving the best for anyone?" She cried. "All we did was worry about you. Hoping you were okay. All your leaving did was cause us pain."

His face twisted. "But it caused a lot of beautiful things too." He whispered.

She froze, her eyes going to her children. He turned too, watching them as they laughed and ran around in their own little world. "That wasn't your choice to make," she said softly. Adamantly. "You say you wanted the best for us. Why couldn't we want that for you as well? You took the decision of how we chose to live out our days away from us. How we wanted to be there for you. That was something we decided to do on our own." She whirled to him. "That decision wasn't yours to make. We were your friends. Doing that for you was natural. All we wanted was to see you better."

"That's the thing," he started, never taking his eyes from the playground. "I wasn't getting better. What was I supposed to do? Watch you guys put your everything into helping me when I wasn't getting better. I was dealing with insecurities of my own. I was stuck in the same place and I know exactly just how much of a mess I was. I was tired of you guys seeing me like that because I knew what it was doing to you. I was holding you all back."

"You were supposed to trust us." She said so earnestly that he turned to look at her. Her face one of determination. Appearing strong despite the red under her eyes. "You were supposed trust us to help you. Work through whatever you were feeling. You left only months after Aya's funeral. That wasn't enough time for you to properly heal. You didn't give yourself time to heal, Inuyasha. You were too heartbroken to see that. All you knew was pain and depression. That I understand. I just never thought you'd leave."

They stood in silence, distant sounds of joyous laughter piercing their small world of bitter reflections. The still figures in a world where life continued on around them. Once traveling down the same road only to diverge to two separate paths. His heart didn't want to accept that, the tears running ever so silently. He didn't want to but he would.

"Ya know," Kagome said easily. "I figured you didn't know what it was I really asking you to promise me all those years back. When I said never leave, I wasn't referring to a physical means." She smiled sadly. "I just wanted you to always be my friend. That's all I wanted from you." He turned to face her as she stepped closer to him, her vanilla scent filling his senses. "I'm glad your back and finally facing your past the way you never gave yourself the chance to. And. . I'm especially glad I saw you again, Inuyasha."

He looked to her and nodded, a genuine smile on his lips. "I really did miss you. Be happy, Kagome." He told her, ignoring the scratchiness in his voice.

"Hai," she breathed with a watery smile, tears in her eyes. "You be happy too."

They stood there in silence until she abruptly turned away from him. He watched her go, calling out to her children as she went to collect them. His chest hurt and his vision was blurred but he made sure to watch her as she hugged her children close to her. Only when she stood up to turn back around did he walk away.

It was a bittersweet feeling. Seeing her again and knowing she just fine without him. Leaving. Having to let her go. He was just glad to see her again.

He walked to his father's car and sat down without a backwards glance, not wanting to make it more difficult in letting her go. He never noticed the dark eyes that watched him leave until he was out of sight.

* * *

"I'm sorry it didn't go the way you hoped it would, Inuyasha."

He looked up from his cup of swirling hot tea to stare into brown eyes. "Yeah. Maybe she's better off without me. I'm not exactly the same person I used to be anyway. I'll be okay just knowing she's happy." He sipped the brown liquid. "She looked really good ma." He smiled as he remembered seeing her a few hours ago.

His mother smiled, patting his hand. "Yes. She's grown into a beautiful woman. Who's done very well for herself."

"She said I took the choice from you guys in helping me when I decided to leave. I guess she's right but I didn't look at it that way. I couldn't stand seeing what I was doing to you guys. Do you understand ma?"

The old woman sighed, her lips tilting as her eyes roamed over her boy's face. "Of course I understand. I understand why you left the way you did. You had our best interest in mind. But I won't say I don't see where Kagome is coming from."

"You," he questioned. "What do you feel about it."

"I've already told you son. It pained me you felt you needed to leave but I don't hold it against you. None can ever fully understand unless they've experienced what you've gone through. God forbid that ever were to happen." She said with a squeeze to his hand. "You two were very close. She hurt when you left. As any genuine friend would, she wouldn't see the need for you to leave when you're at your lowest point. Wanting to be there for you during your time of need is only natural. You leaving prevented her and the others from doing that. While you two may understand the other's reasoning, I doubt you will ever see eye to eye on this particular matter."

He nodded, laying his head on her shoulder. Basking in her warmth and ever familiar lavender scent. He'd had an exhausting day. "I'm so tired." He mumbled. This emotional roller coaster he was on was never ending and it sucked the energy from him. This was all the cluttered emotion he hadn't let himself face all those years ago. He'd ignored it but now he had no choice but to face his past.

He felt a kiss on his forehead, his eyelids heavy and hard to keep open. He felt the cup of tea leaving his hands before his mother gently removed herself from the couch. "Sleep, Inuyasha." She urged. He laid down on the couch and darkness covered him.

He woke later to a dark and still room, only the lights from the street lamps outside filtering in through the blinds. Already sensing his mother was asleep from the quietness throughout the house. He looked down, seeing a cover over him. He yawned, still feeling drained. He threw the cover aside, intent on getting something to drink and going back to sleep.

He stood up and turned in surprise at the knocking he heard coming from the front door. It had to be almost one in the morning. He approached the door and looked through the peephole. He backed away in surprise, not hesitating to open the door. "Kagome."

She jumped in surprise, her raised hand coming down to rest before her. Her hands melded together. "Uh, hi." She stood before him in a simple pair of blue jeans and a white, short-sleeved button down. A small brown purse strapped across her chest. Her locks bound in a tight bun above her head.

He walked outside with her, closing the door softly shut behind him. "Kagome. What are you doing here? Are you okay?" He asked worried.

She watched him in silence for a moment before looking away. "I apologize for coming by at this time. I just. . I just really needed to see you."

"Okay." He nodded, gesturing towards the swinging seat on the porch. He let her sit first before following suit, watching her in silence.

She looked out across the dark lawn. "I don't hate you."

He blinked before nodding slowly. She watched him and laughed quietly before sobering up. "I mean, I don't hate you for leaving. I didn't want you to think that because of what happened earlier. And. .I wasn't even really angry because of you leaving. I was more upset about the way you left if anything. You never kept in touch. And I hurt. I hurt for the both of us."

She took a deep breath. "Maybe it's selfish of me but I knew you before anyone else. If no one else, why not me? If that's rude of me I don't care. I loved you. You were my best friend. Did you not think I would want to know how you were? If you were even alive for that matter." Tears spilled down her cheeks. "Ten years, Inuyasha. You stayed away for ten years."

He watched her, noting he still felt funny at seeing her sadness. He took a silent breath, looking away from her and into the night. Listening to the almost quiet sobs beside him. "Kagome. I'm going to tell you something I've never told anyone else. Just let me speak. Please."

He looked to her for confirmation. She nodded her head slowly, seeming to sense the heavy weight behind his quiet words. She wiped at her face before turning to him without a word, giving him her full attention. He looked away again.

"I didn't just leave because of you guys. I left for me as well. My mind was restless. I felt like I was losing myself," he admitted. "I didn't feel. . .like I deserved to be here anymore. I was. . .ashamed. You would only tell me it wasn't my fault but you guys weren't there. You guys would be too nice to say what I felt was the truth but I knew. Those were the thoughts going through my head. I was afraid to face you guys because of my own feelings of inadequacy." He saw her bite into her lip, obviously resisting the urge to speak. "And of course, there was Sesshomaru," he said with a humorless laugh. "I was the reason why me and my husband lost our daughter. I didn't understand why he didn't hate me. He was everything I knew I didn't deserve. And it ate away at me."

He looked from the corner of his eye, seeing her head hanging down. Her bangs covering her face. He turned back towards the front. "I'm sure you remember. She looked just like him. I looked at him and all I saw was her," he breathed out. "A part of me knew I was. .out of it. I just wanted him to blame me. Do something. Figuring maybe I wouldn't feel so bad." He said with a lazy shrug. "I know it's stupid now to have thought that way. All I could think of was how could he not hate me. I may as well have been the one to-"

He looked down at the hand that grabbed his own. He felt her shaking her head more than seen it. "I know what your going to say and deep down you have to know that's not true. I can't accept that you really believe that," she said with a squeeze of his hand. He watched their entwined fingers in a daze. "Everyone knew how crazy you were about that little girl. Sesshomaru especially. That's why he couldn't hate you Inuyasha. He knew."

His eyes stung and his face frowned up with the effort not to cry.

"You were wanting the impossible. You may as well have been God in his eyes. All he saw was you. He couldn't lash out to blame you because he'd have never thought to do so. Intentionally hurting you would have been the furthest thing from his mind. Not being able to reach you in your grieving was already hard on him. I doubt he would have wanted to add on to your pain." She finished softly.

He sent watery eyes her way, the unwavering look on her face illuminated by the dull lights of the street. "Why," he asked. "You don't have to do this. I don't deserve this from you."

She adopted an uneasy look. "For a moment, I didn't think so either. Until I realized I was letting old feelings dictate me. You have no idea. .how much I really wanted hug you but I let my pride rule my mind. Accepting you back so easily after you being gone without a word. I found it ridiculous. And I didn't want to let you in in case you decided to leave again. But I won't live as long as you and I've decided I want to spend out the rest of my days with my best friend back in my life. With love in my heart and no regrets for anything I've done. I missed you too I just wasn't ready to admit it then. I just knew I had to see you and tell you. I figured you'd came back home when I saw your father's old car." She said with a sniffle, looking towards the house behind them. "How long have you been back in Tokyo? Where'd you go anyway?"

"Few days. Was in Osaka."

"Who else knows your here?"

"Everyone who needs to know." He replied softly.

He felt her eyes drill into him but she said nothing. He was grateful for the squeeze to his hand, still in tune to her best friend. He squeezed back and she shifted, laying her head on his shoulder. Both of them quiet as they enjoyed each other's presence among the cold night air.

They stayed that way for a while until he convinced her to go back home. Reassuring her they'd have more than enough time to catch up. She pulled him into a fierce hug, tightening his arms around her at the almost breathless exclamation of, "You were mine in another life." Sometimes he felt that way too. But the bond between them now was completely platonic.

They pulled apart reluctantly, and he watched her drive away. Back home to her without a doubt worried husband. And her two children.

He sat down on the swing, wondering how he'd been blessed with the friends he had. A part of him found it hard to believe he'd been presented with another chance. One he would not mess up again.

Sesshomaru was forever out of his reach and. . . it pained him. That realization. He couldn't keep running forever. You set things you loved free.

He had to let go of him. In every sense.

Wherever he was, the hanyou hoped he was happy now. There was so many things he'd do over had he the chance to do so. Leaving his husband behind was one of the biggest mistakes of his life. The demon deserved far better than him. Someone who would actually face their problems and stick by his side through it all. The good, the bad and the ugly. He knew now but it was too late. All he could hope for now was the demon had someone in his corner to get through whatever seeing his long lost husband would cause.

He hugged his knees to his chest, feeling like the vulnerable kid he'd once been. He felt horrible but he never claimed to be a saint. He was selfish. He didn't want to let him go but it was the right thing to do. Sesshomaru deserved to heal. He deserved closure. He knew he was that unfinished chapter in the dog's life. It was time to end their story.

And he could feel his heart breaking. When the demon did finally free himself from him, he would be taking a piece of his heart with him. Most of it lay at rest with their little girl. He just hoped when it was all said and done, he'd have something left for himself to hold on to.

That was a perfect representation of his life. Torn in two separate planes of existence. Still in the realm where Aya ruled his world while living in another where his husband took up his every corner of space.

He learned for himself that life went on regardless if your own life felt as if it were ending. And he wanted to be someone who he could actually stand to see in the mirror. Someone his friends were proud to know.

He watched the sun rise, it's dull rays starting to peek over the horizon. He may not have his own family anymore, and their stars no longer aligned but at least they shared the same sky. He and Sesshomaru were still under the same sky. He pictured his baby snuggled up under both of her grandfather's. He smiled at the heavens. The remaining pieces of his heart feeling light for the first time in a long time.

* * *

 **AN** : Prepare yourselves for a time skip. Hope you enjoyed. ^_^

See ya when I see ya. :°]


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

* * *

He heard the commotion around him but his entire focus was on the little angel on the harsh cement. Her eyes as wide as his, the fear palpable in her wide amber gaze. The rise and fall of her chest rapid and impossible to miss. Her mouth hung open uselessly as quick gurgles left her, blood seeping past her lips and running along her pale cheek and chin to make the acquaintance of the ground she lay over. Running steadily like a mini stream onto the unforgiving ground below. His heart shattered at the pained whimpers that escaped her.

He reached out for her only to feel hands pulling him back. He screamed, watching as two figures took his place over his baby, their hands quickly roaming over her body. Their frantic but muffled words reaching him as they talked amongst themselves. Their movement urgent as they loomed over his child. He looked on with wide eyes, never taking his eyes off of the silver haired girl that laid at an awkward angle. Looking like a beautiful broken doll. Her hair strewn around her folded body. Her wide eyes locked onto her hysterical parent. He struggled and screamed, anything to get away from the hands that held him back.

He panicked as he noticed them lift her off the ground. Placing her small body on the gurney. He moved forward and suddenly the arms released him. He ran towards them, heart beating out of his chest and vision blurred. His heart suddenly came to a stop as he looked towards his princess, eyes open and wide but never looking his way. Her eyes aimed towards the dark gray sky above them. He called out to her, expecting to get her attention but she never turned to acknowledge him. Her body still and unmoving.

He screamed, moving forward but the two men caught him before he could touch her. He sobbed, breaking down in their arms. He shook his head, his cries piercing and pained.

He stilled, lifting his head out of his hands and towards the dark haired demoness. Their eyes locked and his fangs gradually dropped, pure rage consuming him the longer he looked into her lifeless eyes. His vision bleeding red as he broke away from the two men. The woman's brown gaze dull and unchanging at the man coming her way. Others scrambling to get out of his way. He wanted to feel the life leave her body while under his hands; craved it like he never wanted anything before. It was only when he reached her did fear enter her eyes.

* * *

He dry heaved over the toilet, his body trying to expel something it didn't contain. His stomach empty. He leaned back, attempting to catch his breath. When his breaths turned calm, he reached for the handle, pulling it down before standing up. Heading towards the sink for his toothbrush as the evidence of his anxiety swirled down with the water.

He brushed his teeth, looking anywhere but at the red-rimmed amber eyes he knew he'd see. He couldn't help but wonder why that incident visited him in his sleep. He hadn't thought of that with that much intensity in years. Reliving that day over and over had been hell. The worst day of his life.

It'd been starting up since last week, revisiting the day he'd lost Aya. It was a nightmare in a nightmare. A memory he never liked to dwell on. He was starting to dread closing his eyes. He'd woken up crying with his body and mind in a state of panic.

Of course it wouldn't be easy. For a moment he'd thought it'd be. These past six months bringing him a sort of inner peace he hadn't felt while on his own. A pensive sadness now instead of the all consuming despair that held him. Slowly integrating into his friend's lives. Trying to find his own place amongst them.

But no. He'd conquered some of his inner turmoil but there was a huge part that still needed to be set straight. He'd never be at peace until he confronted the biggest part of his past. He knew that. He just wasn't ready.

Was that why he was dreaming of that day over and over again? Losing his daughter tied directly into his husband. A guilt he couldn't shake.

"Inuyasha. Are you alright?"

He spit into the sink before turning to speak towards the closed door. "Yeah. I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute."

"Okay." Came the soft reply before his mother made her way back down the stairs.

He sighed, turning on the sink to run water over the bristles of his brush. He placed his brush in its holder before leaning down to splash water over his face. He'd been scared but prepared, he thought. It may have taken a little while but he'd would've reached out to Sesshomaru upon his arrival a few months back. But then Miroku had dropped that bombshell. The extent to the amount of pain he caused the other was enough to revert him back into that terrified state of mind. Not wanting to face the realities of his doings. Drinking. He'd never even thought to think Sesshomaru would do that.

He hoped and prayed it would never come to that again. Especially not because of him. He'd had a front row seat to the pain and anger swimming in his husband's eyes at the reflection of his mother's actions. Sesshomaru had hated alcohol. To think his leaving made him turn to that.

He'd also been there to witness the journey to forgiveness and new love Keiko had been trying to walk on for her son. The hanyou urging the other to take those first few steps to meet her halfway. It'd been hard. There'd been a lot of tears and the opening up of old wounds. Scabbed over but never fully healed. But it'd been worth it in the end. His husband got his mother back. He'd earned a great mother in law. And his baby got a doting grandmother.

His lips tilted up into a sad smile but that didn't stop him from suddenly feeling weak, he let his body give out. He sat on the cold, tiled floor. His back against the dark cabinets under the sink. He brought his knees up, laying his head over them.

And to learn Sesshomaru had walked down that dark path because of him. Dealing with the loss of their daughter. Being strong for the both of them because he certainly hadn't been in the right frame of mind to do so. Then to find out the husband you had done all that for. . .had left you alone.

Sesshomaru had every reason to hate him. There weren't any words to even begin to express the regret he felt over his decision. Good intentions that didn't quite pan out the way he'd hoped.

He bit into his lip. Hard. Hard enough to draw blood. His new tick for staving off the urge to cry. He breathed deeply. Slowly. Willing away the painful grip over his chest. Their had been a time when wanting his husband's ire would have been all he wanted. Now. . .he didn't know if he'd be able to survive it.

* * *

"Thank you so much, Mr. Shimizu. I don't know what I'd do without you." Came the show of gratitude from the elderly human woman on the other end of the line.

He chuckled as he looked to the nearby clock perched on the wall before leaning forward to shut down the computer before him. "It's my pleasure Ms. Akamine. Though I must remind you I am just doing my job."

She laughed. "Well, I appreciate your help either way. You're the only good thing that's gone right for me today. One less thing for me to worry about here at the shop."

He smiled to himself. "Glad I could be of service. Take care, ma'am."

"You as well, Mr. Shimizu."

The hanyou took the phone from his ear and placed it back into it's cradle. Grabbing the black suit jacket that hung over the back of his seat before shrugging it on his shoulders. Making sure his car keys and cell were in his pocket before turning from the cubicle he was in. Waving his goodbye at some of the familiar faces stationed inside their own workspace as he walked towards the elevators. He waited for it to reach the sixth floor level before climbing into the empty space.

A vibration from his pocket had him whipping out his cellphone, seeing a message from his sandy haired friend. _We still on for lunch?_

He typed he was on his way to the hospital now and lifted his head as the elevator came to a stop. Exiting as people waited to board the elevator. Quickly walking across the lobby's hard floors and towards the main parting doors of the large building.

He walked towards his car and climbed in the seat and looked to the message he just received. _Okay. Things are a little crazy here right now. I might be held up when you get here. Won't be longer than five minutes. Promise._

He typed his understanding and told him he'd wait by the nurse's station. He threw the cell in the passenger seat before pulling from the parking space.

Traffic was irritating as was expected due to it being lunch hour but thankfully the hospital was no more than fifteen minutes from Sacred Jewels Management Services.

After circling the parking lot for a space as close to the entrance he could find, he made his way inside of the hospital. His cellphone vibrated and he pulled it out of his jacket, answering at seeing it was Miroku. "Hey," he greeted as he walked towards the nurse's station to grab a seat.

"Hey. We still on for lunch? I'm on my way to The Shrine now."

"Yeah. Shippo told me he's running a bit behind today. I'm here waiting for him at the hospital. We'll meet you guys there."

"Kagome won't be able to make it today, " the dark haired human informed him. "She called me as soon as her class got out. Told me to pass on the message."

"Alright. We'll see y-"

He gasped as he went quickly reeling sideways, headed towards the hard floors of the hospital but the feel of a large hand wrapping around his arm stopping his fall. He stumbled before straightening out, looking to the person responsible and froze.

"I didn't see you. Are you alright?"

Those eyes. . .they were almost like his own. But ran more like a darkened honey. Piercing and. . .looking at him with concern. Great.

He blinked. "Oh, yeah. I'm fine." He looked down around them at seeing various colored papers spilled around them. He looked back up towards the tall demon. "I am. . .so sorry. I made you spill your work." He bent down and began collecting the scattered papers, feeling the other bend down beside him to help.

"It's fine. I was too busy reading through these to see where I was going." An embarrassed chuckle.

He looked up only to look down at seeing he was on the end of an unrelenting stare. He covered his face with his bangs. "I-It's fine," he stammered and silently berated himself, feeling heat spread over his face at feeling himself being stared at so intently. "I wasn't really paying attention to where I was going either." He stood at seeing all the papers collected and watched the dark haired man do the same. He silently held them out and the demon took them, never breaking eye contact. "Again. Really sorry."

The man let out a small huff of laughter. "Don't worry about it." He told him before looking him over with a more serious look. "Are you sure your alright?"

"Yeah," he nodded, offering a small smile hoping to reassure the demon. "You caught me so. . .no damage done."

"I'm glad," the dhole demon spoke in a deeper tone of voice that made the hanyou look away with an almost painful roll in his gut.

"Well. I'd better get going," He said while beginning to take a few backwards steps away, pointing lamely to the nurse's station behind him. "I'm sure you have work to catch up on and-"

"I never caught your name." The demon's head tilted, a curious wonder in his words. Sticking out the free hand that didn't hold the blue folder. "Dr. Hada. Koji Hada."

He looked down, finally taking in the long white coat over the tall, fit frame. Of course he'd have the unfortunate luck of literally running into a doctor. No wonder the demon kept asking if he was okay.

The hanyou offered out his hand as well, plastering on a polite smile. "Inuyasha Shimizu."

The demon named Koji nodded. "Well, it was really nice meeting you, Inuyasha." The white haired hanyou's name coming out as a slight husk. Panic going off through him at the interest directed his way.

He retracted his hand at the light squeeze he received. The urge to put space between them increasing. "I really have to go. It was nice meeting you."

He turned to continue his journey to the nurse's station but came up short at seeing his sandy haired friend walking towards him from down the long hall, smiling at the short dark haired woman who walked beside him. Shippo's lips moving as he spoke to her before abruptly turning away, the human scurrying off in another direction. Green eyes giving his attention over towards his friend before drifting over the dark haired man who stood nearby.

Shippo walked up to them. "Dr. Hada." He said in greeting.

Koji nodded towards the fox. "Wolfe. How are you?'

"I'm fine," he replied easily, sending Inuyasha a quick side eyed glance. "Though I'll be even better when this little one decides to drop."

The dhole gave a quiet chuckle. Honey colored eyes lighting up in amusement. "Yes, well. That won't be for at least another month yet."

"You had to remind me," the fox smiling good-naturedly before turning his attention onto the silent hanyou. "I see you've met my friend, Inuyasha."

Inuyasha plastering a polite smile at being looked at from the two sets of eyes though the smile was hardly a reflection to how he really felt. He was ready to leave. Looking away at the lingering eyes of the dark haired demon before the other finally turned back to Shippo. "Yes. Your very lucky to know him." The demon's words making the hanyou's head snap towards him but the demon was already making to walk past them. "Enjoy your lunch, Wolfe." He said, lightly clapping the fox on his shoulder as he continued his trek down the hall.

The sandy haired fox immediately turning to him once the man disappeared from view. "What did you do to him." Shippo's incredulous tone making his mouth part in shock.

"What," he cried, trying to appear clueless. "I didn't do anything."

Shippo obviously wasn't convinced. "Poor guy walked away like a kicked puppy." He said before turning to walk towards the hospital's parting doors.

"It wasn't like that." He said with a shake of his head, sounding false even to his own ears. Trying to convince himself the subtle flirting was all in his head. "We exchanged a few words and that was it."

The fox sent him a look that said he knew better. "Maybe it wasn't like that for you, but he was interested in you. You couldn't even look the man in the eye."

He sighed to himself, unlocking the doors to the silver car before opening the driver's side. Turning to Shippo as he settled in his seat. "I'm not really in a position to accept dates, Shippo." Reminding the other of the fact he was still very much married. A frown finding him at the weird look that crossed over the fox's face but any question was stopped by Shippo's cell sounding off.

Inuyasha focusing on backing out of the space as Shippo answered the call they both knew was from his husband. "Hey, Koga."

He thought to Dr. Hada. He hadn't meant to appear standoffish but just the thought of seeing anyone sent alarms going throughout him. He didn't know any man outside of Sesshomaru. As far as intimate acts went. He'd been with the silver haired demon for so long other men hadn't even registered on his radar. Then they'd lost Aya and dating had been the furthest thing from his mind these past years. Of course his friends would expect for him to start dating since his marriage was essentially over in every way but legally. Still, he didn't feel right seeing someone when his past wasn't completely behind him. He didn't want to get to know another man while still trying to get over one.

"Koga told me to tell you, 'Hey Mutt'."

He rolled his eyes as he made a right turn. "What did wolf boy want today."

The fox sighed. "The usual. Seeing if you'd came to pick me up. Check up on me. I don't know why he doesn't think I can drive myself."

"He's just worried about you. Seeing as you only have about a month to go until you meet your baby," he said with a tiny grin as he looked to his sandy haired friend. Shippo laughing at the excited look in his eye. "Can't fault him for being worried so late in your pregnancy." The hanyou finished with a light shrug as he parked in an available spot at the restaurant they chose to frequent as of late.

Cutting off the engine before leaving out his seat, waiting for Shippo before walking across the parking lot. Walking into the humble but refined establishment of The Shrine. A tall, blonde haired demoness leading them across the floor towards their awaiting dark haired friend. Miroku standing up at seeing them and pulling them into a quick hug before each took up a seat. The blue eyed woman quickly scribbling down their drinks before leaving.

"Where's Kagome?" Shippo asked as he moved his seat as close to the round table as his belly would allow.

Miroku looked to him and he shrugged, forgetting to pass on the message in light of recent events.

The dark haired man turning to the fox. "She's staying behind at the university. Work she can't afford to put off apparently." He said before turning blue eyes onto his white haired friend. "Speaking of work. How are you adjusting over at Sacred Jewel?"

His golden eyes cutting to Shippo as he noticed he seemed curious about that as well. "It's weird," he admitted. "I never thought I'd be taking up my old career again after what happened with. . . with Aya." Only biting his lip in a slight pause before continuing. "It's easy money anyway. I'm planning on moving out of ma's house soon and I do have a Bachelor's Degree in accounting so why not put it to use. I can't keep expecting mom to do everything so. . ." Finishing with a light shrug.

"Is work what held you up? You two sure took your sweet time getting here." The dark haired human raising a brow as he looked between the two.

Inuyasha looked to Shippo who looked back to him pointedly. "Just got. . .held up at the hospital is all."

The fox turned to the menu in his hand, the air about him far from casual as he uselessly flipped through the pages.

Miroku furrowed his brows as he turned to the silent fox. "Is that. . .not what happened?"

Shippo set the restaurant's menu down in a way that let the two know he was simply waiting to be asked. "A doctor at the hospital has expressed his interest in our good friend here." He said simply before crossing his fingers over the table.

"What happened?" The human leaned forward towards the fox who shrugged.

"You'd have to ask him. All I know is, by the time I got there, the man seemed dejected."

"Okay, thank you for making me feel like the world's lowest scum." Shaking his head as he turned to look into cobalt colored eyes. "We might've. . . bumped into one another. And I had to help him pick up his work from the floor."

"Wait. You literally ran into him." Shippo exclaimed, lips parting in surprise.

Inuyasha took a deep breath. "Both us weren't paying attention, Shippo. Look, the point is he might've been interested but I'm not. Besides," lowering his voice, unable to help the quick glance around. "I'm still married. How would I even explain that to him? Or anyone for that matter."

The waiter came back with their drinks and he turned to her, missing the quickly exchanged look his friends shared. They thanked her and she took down their order before leaving them. He took a sip of his drink before turning back to them.

"Well, I say give the man a chance. He might just prove to be the distraction you need." Shippo told him easily.

He shook his head. "No. I'm not going to use one man to get over another."

"Maybe Shippo has a point." His blue eyes looking from the fox to turn to him. "We're not saying you have to jump into a relationship right away but I don't see anything wrong with being wined and dined. There's no harm in trying. You've said it yourself that the relationship between you and Sesshomaru is over so their is no harm in letting someone else in."

"I've only been back six months and you guys are already encouraging me to go out with someone else." His voice a cross between bewildered and irritated.

The fox raised a brow. "Because we know how you are. It doesn't matter if we say it now or months from now. You'll just come up with some excuse as to why you can't do it. Look, I wish you and Sesshomaru could be together because I know that's who you really want. . .but you have it in your head that the thing between you two is over. If it's really as over as you say, then it doesn't hurt to start seeing someone else. Not to be with seriously, but what could it hurt to at least enjoy yourself on occasion?"

He raised his drink up to his lips, opting not to respond then because what could he say. He licked his lips before muttering a faint, "It is over." Taking a deep breath to loosen the slight tightness in his chest saying those words caused.

The human nodded. "Alright. Then. . ."

"But that doesn't mean I want to see anyone right now. I'm honestly okay with my life right now. Dating isn't on my list of things to do any time soon. Can't I just take the time to be around the people closest to me without having to worry with impressing a man? I just want. . .a semblance of peace in my life right now. Before I have to. . .face Sesshomaru and this divorce." He finished with a breath. Turning his head to each of them. "Then I'll worry about whatever comes with being single. If me being with someone else is in the cards, then it'll happen." Raising a brow at each of them. "Alright?"

Miroku raised his brows while tucking his lips before letting out an acquiesced, "Alright."

Turning to Shippo, the fox eye's flickering towards him before sighing. "Fine."

The waitress came with their meal and thankfully the attention was taken from the hanyou and his lack of a love life. He gradually relaxed as they conversed, settling into what their talks usually consisted of. Though it didn't seem to last long today as the events at the hospital seemed to make their occasional lunch gathering that much more shorter. They ate and made promises to see one another again soon. Inuyasha dropping the fox back off at the hospital, smiling to himself as he watched Shippo walk away talking to a worrying Koga over the phone before speeding back towards work.

* * *

The ringing of his cellphone making him turn toward his mother. Telling her to continue watching the movie before leaving her to take the conversation outside. Sitting on the swinging seat as he looked out into dark. Finally answering the incessant ringing. "Hello."

"Hey. Sorry I couldn't meet up with you guys today."

"No worries," he told her as he settled back into the seat. "What kept you anyway?"

"One of my students needed a little extra review. Was worried about one of the quizzes. So," the human stretched. "What did you talk about at lunch today?"

His eyes narrowed, suspicion instantly shooting through him at the tone she spoke in. Trying too hard too be nonchalant. Not her strongest quality. "Not much," he drawled, wondering where she would take this.

"Hn. A little birdie told me otherwise. Apparently knocking over hot doctors is the way to get dates these days."

He cradled his head against his hand. The corner of his lips curling upward as he shook his head. "Shippo."

"Hey. I said a little birdie." She argued and he rolled his eyes.

"Technically. We bumped into each other. I didn't knock him over." He said matter of factly, tired of it seemingly just his fault for the incident between him and Dr. Hada.

"Your missing the point here. A really hot guy likes you. Who in their right mind rejects hot guys." The woman's voice saying the mere idea to her should be considered a sin.

"Well," he started, beginning to gently rock on the swinging seat. "I'm clearly insane because I'm honestly not interested. I'm not in the right head space to focus on dating right now. I don't need to drag anyone into the craziness that is my life."

Her turn to sigh. "On a more serious note. I think you should go out with him. If it doesn't work out, fine. You did it and it just wasn't meant to be. I just don't think pining after Sesshomaru is what you should be focusing on. You'll never move on that way."

"I'm not. . . pining, Kagome." Oh God, he didn't even sound convincing to his own ears. Taking a deep breath before trying again. "I've already accepted that I have to let him go."

"Maybe in your head, Inuyasha. But you heart hasn't really accepted it. I'm not saying you have to fall in love again. Just. . . treat yourself every now and then. Really live your life."

"I don't. . . don't wanna use anyone like that. Knowing I don't see it going anywhere. It's a waste of time."

"It's called a distraction, Inuyasha. Besides. You hardly owe anyone any explanations on the first date."

"I thought you liked Sesshomaru." His voice sounding lost but he couldn't help but ask. She'd been one of their very best supporters. Hearing her trying to convince him to go out with someone else was confusing.

"Of course I like, Sesshomaru. Because your my friend and I know how you felt about him, of course I would support you. But Sesshomaru is somewhere living his life and you have to do the same. Whether there's a Sesshomaru in your life or not, I'm still gonna be here. I just want what's best for you."

He chewed his bottom lip, looking at the ground unseeingly as he pondered his friend's words. "You really think I should go out with him?"

"I'm saying go out and have fun. You don't have to limit yourself to just him but it'd be a good place to start. Stop staying cooped up inside the house and go be around people your own age. No offense to Ms. Izayoi." She added as an afterthought.

Hell, his mother would be far from offended. She too seemed to think he should get out more. Though she didn't think of it in terms of dating. Even his own mother thought he was being a hermit.

"I'll think about it." That was the best he could come up with. Dating was really the furthest thing from his mind. He didn't see how another guy would help in his case and it didn't seem right. He could admit to himself it was a bit nerve-wracking. The thought of seeing anyone besides Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru had been his everything. He'd been his first and he didn't know how to move on from that after being alone for all these years.

...

Seemed he wouldn't have much to think about after all.

"What did you-" Closing his eyes as he remembered to lower his voice as he was at work. "What did you just say?" Unable to keep the slight bite from his tone.

"I'm sorry, Inuyasha." The fox did in fact sound apologetic. "What was I supposed to say? I couldn't say no after you knocked the man down."

His hand curled into a fist, deciding he wasn't going to go there. "You lied to him, Shippo. You told him where I lived." His voice raising in volume at the thought of a stranger knowing where he and his mother resided.

"Koji's not like that, Inuyasha." Shippo's tone taking on a note of defensiveness. "I've worked with him for years. If you could've seen him. . .I could tell he was excited with the idea of seeing you."

He felt his annoyance turn down a notch. It was hard to stay upset at hearing that. "He really asked about me huh." He asked lowly, distracted by the images of the ebony haired man's honey colored eyes that ran through his mind then.

"I told you he liked you," Shippo not bothering to hold back the smugness from his words. "Look, I'm sorry I lied and I'll apologize to him but could you please just go out with him tonight. Who knows, you just might enjoy yourself. Please don't make me go back and tell him you changed your mind."

"I really wish you wouldn't have done that, Shippo," he groaned, words lacking his earlier heat and now holding a note of reluctant defeat.

The fox knew that. "He's really a nice guy, Inuyasha." The sandy haired man's voice growing steadily excited. "He'll swing by your place around nine. So make sure your ready by then."

"Fine, Shippo. But you better apologize to him."

"I will. I promise. And try to have a good time."

"Sure," he muttered. "I'll talk you later. I have to go."

"Alright."

He hung up his cellphone, pocketing it before placing his face in his hands. Heart going a mile a minute.

...

"Well, look at you. You like nice, dear."

"Yeah," he asked uncertainly, turning to look at the gray haired human in the doorway before turning his golden eyed stare back onto his reflection. He'd thought black slacks and a black button down would be a good choice for a date. Passable for something more refined but not too much in case they were going somewhere more casual. Leaning forward to get a better look at the stubborn knot in his side lock. Working the black comb through the thick hair as he watched himself work.

She hummed. "What's the occasion. Are meeting up with your friends tonight."

He wished it were that simple. "No, ma. I'm going out with someone tonight. A doctor from the hospital Shippo works at."

Stopping to look at her at the unexpected silence that followed. Offering him an apologetic smile at seeing his worry. "I'm sorry. It just. . .took me by surprise. Is this something your ready for, sweetheart?"

He turned back to his reflection as he put his attention back onto his hair. Heart stuck in his throat as it seemed his mother was the only person who understood him at times. Still, he didn't want her to worry. "He's a nice guy, mom." Voice not as strong as he would've liked as he took a page from Shippo's book.

"Okay, sweetie." She whispered. "Well, I hope you enjoy yourself."

Flashing her a small smile before turning away. "Thanks." Bringing a hand up to claw through his combed and pristine ashen locks. Hearing her walk away and he sighed. Gaze steady as he stared back at his reflection. Wondering what he was doing.

He looked at the screen of his cellphone seeing it was eight fifty-six. Rocking on the seat on the porch of his mother's home as he sat outside. Deciding he was right in thinking the cool night air would help in calming down his nerves. He really didn't want to do this but maybe it was for the best. Wouldn't he have to do this sometime?

Pulled from his thoughts at noticing the sleek black 2017 Nissan GT-R that pulled in front of his mother's home. A brow raising up, impressed by the beautiful beast of a machine. Looking to see it was exactly nine p.m.

He stood up and walked forward, smiling at seeing the driver's side door open and Koji's tall, slim frame come into view. Stopping as the demon made his way around towards him, those murky yellow orbs looking him over as well.

"You look. . ." The other male appearing to be at a loss for words and he ducked his head down. A small turning his lips before he raised his head with a nod.

"You look nice," he told the dark haired man. He did indeed look very handsome. His ebony locks pulled back from his face in a tight high ponytail. A black suit molding to his frame well. The top hung open and revealing a white button down. Tall, dark and handsome.

"I'm certain I'll be the envy of many tonight." The dhole said with a softness followed by one last appreciative glance. Reaching over to open the passenger side door. Gesturing toward the seat as he looked to the hanyou. Inuyasha flashing a smile his way as he walked past him to take up the offered invitation. The door closing behind him and he watched as the dhole made his way around to the front of his running car. Koji joining him inside and the faint smell of cinnamon with a hint of spice was much stronger now. Wafting toward him from other male. The hanyou deciding he liked it. It suited the other somehow.

Returning the smile sent his way with a small one of his own as Koji turned his attention onto getting them on the road.

"I was surprised when Wolfe when informed me you agreed to come out with me tonight. I was under the impression you didn't much care for me. I hope I didn't offend you in some way." The demon said inquisitively, sending him the occasional glance as he drove.

"No," he shook his head with a small breath of laughter. Mouth opening as he wondered if he should tell Koji why they were really out tonight but decided it could wait. Opting for another route of discussion. "I'm sorry with that whole ordeal. It just caught me by surprise."

"I find that hard to believe. I imagine you have many admirers."

"Not nearly as many as you seem to think. I haven't dated-" he paused, no way in hell was he saying he hadn't been on a date in ten years. "It's been a while since I've been out." Brows furrowing as he remembered the dhole's earlier words. Turning to face him fully with a curious look. "You were under the impression you may have offended me and you still asked to go out with me."

The slight uplift of the demon's lips making his stomach churn. "I don't give up easily, Inuyasha." Eyes intense with the quick flash sent his way. "Especially if it's something I find myself wanting."

Those words sinking in as silence reigned between them. Koji was handsome and alluring. Unable to help but stare as he watched the man handle the fast car like an extension of his body. Questioning his sanity as wondered why it was he felt absolutely nothing for this man.

* * *

"Shikon," he breathed in surprise as the car came to a stop. Watching one of the valet walk closer to them.

"We don't have to eat here if you don't want to." Koji told him, taking his surprise for reluctance. He smiled, shaking his head as he turned to face him.

"No, it's fine. It's actually one of my favorite places. This is. . . where my father took my ma on their first date." Unable to help the smile from overtaking his face as he thought of his mother and father in their younger days. That smile slowly fading as he took in the intense wondering look directed his way. Heart stopping at the eyes that dropped down to his lips. He turned away to open the door, stopping at the hand that came over his shoulder. Head turning to eye Koji.

"I'm sorry." The demon said softly.

"Why are you apologizing?" He asked him curiously. If anything, he should be the one apologizing. It wasn't Koji's fault he didn't know how to handle the man's obvious interest. The dhole's face saying he didn't know how to reply to that because their wasn't an answer. Offering the dark haired man a strained smile.

"Let's go inside," he told him, the hand leaving him and he opened the door. Climbing out and watching Koji toss the man the keys before making his way around towards him. Koji's breathtaking smile enough to send the man one of his own. It was impossible not to. Taking the offered arm held out his way as they walked toward the entrance. Their eyes locked until the doors opened before them. Not bothering to look around as he was quite familiar with the place. Standing by the demon's side as he handled seeing to the reservation he made. The two being led by the hostess to one of the many tables toward the center of the room. Nodding their thanks as the human told them a waiter would be with them shortly.

"You really are stunning, Inuyasha."

Surprised when no discomfort found him at the serious husky tone the demon spoke in. Giving credit to the familiarity of his surroundings. At ease with the history and memories attached to this place. His eyes narrowed playfully. "Flatterer."

Koji ducked his head with a deep chuckle. "I simply express the truth."

"Since we're telling truths," the hanyou started slyly with a flashing look full of mirth, crossing his arms over the table as he stared into hypnotic yellow. The small smile on his lips telling the dhole he was simply poking fun. "Why are you single? Your a doctor. Your attractive. You seem like a nice guy. I don't see why you haven't found someone for your own."

The demon's brow raising as he appeared to ponder the question. "You find me attractive." Turning to the hanyou with a curious look. A playfulness of his own lurking in his eyes.

His lips twitched. "Is that all you took from that."

Koji sending him a charming grin, his own eyes holding his amusement. "Well. I don't impress easily for one. I can't afford to or I'd find myself with someone who's with me for all the wrong reasons. I'm not alone for a lack of willing partners. Physical is good but what I crave is stimulation of another kind. A relationship of the mind. Something much deeper. Something that'll make me want to stay." Koji's brows quirking inward before that searching look from before made an appearance. "Do you want to know attracted me to you."

The hanyou gesturing a hand out his way. "Please. Enlighten me." He said lightly, not prepared for the seriousness of the words next spoken.

"Your eyes," the dhole said without missing a beat. All traces of teasing gone. "They tell a story. They say so much without revealing much at all. I think you know a pain most of us can only imagine. . . but I sense more to you than that. Your a mystery. And I find that intriguing."

"Hn. And I take it you want to solve the case that is Inuyasha Shimizu. Right?" He asked blandly. Not liking how close the dhole was to figuring him out. Wondering if his eyes really were as expressive as people made them out to be. It was a known belief that the eyes were the window to one's soul.

"No," the demon uttered softly with a slow shake of his head. Never looking away. "I think I'd much rather be the next chapter of your story."

He bit his lip, staring blankly at the table cloth between them. Wondering how to word what he was feeling in the most polite way possible. He couldn't in good conscious lead him on just for his own entertainment. He didn't want Koji to think he was playing with him. Not when he didn't see anything between them. Not now anyway.

He swallowed, lifting his head to stare at Koji. "I want to be honest with you Koji and I hope you can appreciate it. That pain you see. . .it's a pain I'm still dealing with. It's one I deal with every day actually," he breathed with a heartless laugh. Sighing out at the sudden wave of tiredness that hit him. "Honestly, the last thing on my mind is a relationship. My life is full of complications. And. . .you'd deserve more than I'd be able to give you. There's just some things about me that I don't want to drag you into. I come with some baggage." He let out a soft laugh to soften the severity of his words but that didn't make them any less true. "You seem like a great guy. It's just. . ."

"Just not a great guy for you." Koji finished knowingly as he nodded slowly to himself. "Can't say I've ever been rejected."

Mouth opening to say that wasn't the case but how could it be anything but? He looked down, the guilt making it difficult to look at the dhole. "I'm sorry." He whispered.

Head whipping up at the fingers that laced with his own. Their hold almost intimate as they held onto the other across the table. "It's okay, Inuyasha. Really. I appreciate your honesty." Koji nodded. "I'm still glad I invited you out. I'll be honest in saying there's something about you that I find myself drawn to. While this didn't go exactly as I'd hoped, I'm still glad to know you. Your life's not too complicated for friends, right?"

"No," he answered, the makings of a genuine smile taking over his face. "My life's not too complicated for another friend." He sobered his expression, wanting to communicate his gratitude. "Thank you. For tonight. For understanding." He finished with a squeeze to the warm hand holding him before letting go.

Koji nodding before leaning back in his seat. "So why is it that you agreed to come out with me tonight."

He looked away, mouth opening before snapping it shut. Turning back to face Koji with a word he knew the other would understand. "Shippo."

"Ah, the dhole drawled in a tone that was hard to distinguish. "Wolfe."

"Don't be too upset with him." Ignoring the fact he hadn't been too pleased with being spoken for. "He was only worried about me. He really wanted me to go out with you tonight."

"Well, in that case I won't be too hard on him." He said in good nature, both chuckling as they turned to eye the dark haired waiter that walked up to them. The demoness face apologetic.

"Please excuse the wait. We're a bit short on staff tonight," she explained before asking for their orders.

Inuyasha rattling off one of his favorite dishes before listening to Koji order his own meal. Only interjecting at hearing the man request two glasses of wine.

"Oh, I don't. . .I don't drink," he told him before turning to the waitress. Replacing one glass with a glass of water with a few slices of lemon and ice. The waitress leaving them after asking them if that was all they would like.

Inuyasha seeing the unspoken question in the dhole's murky colored eyes. "I just don't care for the taste." He replied easily with a shrug but in truth it was more of a habit. With Sesshomaru's dislike for alcohol they'd both avoided it and never kept any in the house. Eyes closing at the wave of intense guilt that ran through him then. Concentrating on not embarrassing himself with crying in front of Koji.

"Are you alright," came the concerned filled inquiry and he nodded. Plastering on a smile as he looked at the man across from him.

"Mhm. I'm fine," he said quickly.

He could see he hadn't quite convinced the man but thankfully he just nodded and the hanyou engaged him in conversation. The more he learned the more he took an actual interest and less of a method of distraction. Only a slight pause in their conversing with the reappearance of the waitress with their meal.

It was actually. . .nice. Just to talk to someone who didn't know about his past. It was nice to feel as if there weren't any topics that weren't up for discussion. Koji didn't know him. It was different. He was enjoying himself more than he imagined he would.

A part of him was saddened to realize he still didn't feel anything for the dark haired man. He was certainly handsome enough. Koji had him laughing more tonight than he had in the past ten years. His head knew Koji would be a decent man to at least try something with. He could see it in the man's darkened gaze. It was a small desire, but somewhere deep down he wished he could feel something for Koji.

"I'm really glad you came out with me tonight, Inuyasha." Koji's voice carried softly across the table.

He offered a small smile. Happy to find he was in fact enjoying himself. "Yeah. I'm glad I came out too."

"Enough to wanna do this again?"

The hanyou's expression turned pained. He'd thought the man understood. "Koji-"

The demon waved it off. "As friends," he assured.

Inuyasha eyeing him for a moment before ultimately nodding his agreement. "Okay. I'd like that." Chuckling at the happiness he saw swirling in the dark haired man's eyes at such a simple answer. Turning to lift the fork holding a portion of his meal towards his mouth.

"You mentioned leaving Tokyo for Osaka," the dhole started casually as he chewed his meal. "I'm curious as to why you left in the first place. If you never planned on coming back."

He stilled, looking back up at the dhole. Words stuck in his throat. His lips parted uselessly as he seemed trapped in Koji's stare. The rather harsh shaking of his shoulder making him aware once more. He shook his head to clear away the sluggish feeling. "I'm sorry." He said lowly, biting his lip as he was aware of the few stares directed their way. Not wanting to bring any negative attention Koji's way.

"You don't need to keep apologizing, Inuyasha." Koji said as he lowered himself back into his seat. Not aware of the staring or making a point to ignore it. The dhole sighing as he looked to the bowed head of the hanyou. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

His brows furrowing as he pondered whether he should reveal that part of his past so soon but. . .it was only right he tell him that much, wasn't it? If they were trying to become friends?

His eyes slipping shut with a pained expression. His fingers restless against their mirror digits over the table. Heart heavy as he prepared to admit one of the reasons behind his heartache. "My. . .I lost someone I loved very much, " he started quietly, licking his lips in nerves as the chatter around them served as mere background noise. "And. . .it messed me up for a while. She was taken from me too soon." He finished before reaching for his glass of water so he'd have something to do with his hands. Avoiding eye contact with the other man. That's not what he meant to say at all. Why was it so hard to say those words?

Koji nodded, his eyes showing his understanding. "She must have been very special to you."

"Yeah," he whispered, the corners of his lips raised into an awkward smile that didn't match his eyes. "My little girl."

"Me and my big mouth." The demon quietly admonished himself, his face showing his contrition. "I'm sorry."

The hanyou let out a small breath of humorless laughter. "It's fine," he reassured with a wave of his hand. "You'd have found out about her eventually."

The dhole took on a softer expression. "I bet she was as breathtaking as you are."

He felt his face heat up as he finally looked up from the table to meet Koji's piercing stare. "Actually, her father can take most of the credit for that. She may as well have been his twin."

Inuyasha noticed the dhole's face turn serious. "Does he still play a role in your life? Her father."

That startled him. His tongue caught for a moment. "If. . .you mean does he play an active role in my life, then no. He doesn't. I won't say I still don't hold love for him in my heart. He gave me my daughter on top of what we already had. He'll always be a part of me." The conviction in his words were undeniable and he looked away at the unreadable expression on the other's face.

"Koji, maybe we shouldn't-"

His eyes widened as pure shock seemed to shut down his bodily functions. He was only mutely aware of Koji repeating his name. His attention was taken by the figure across the room. He was staring in a mirror of wide-eyed amber. Eyes he hadn't seen in ten years.

He couldn't believe his eyes. No way was that Sesshomaru looking every bit of shocked as he was. His eyes switched to the head of intricately pinned up silver hair that turned in his direction and he stilled. That was Keiko. His mother-in-law. Her face took on the expression of her son's before turning back to stare at the silver haired demon. He did too, seeing Sesshomaru stare into him without moving. Frozen as a statue.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned wide, panicked eyes up towards Koji's worried face. "Are you alright?"

He turned back to Sesshomaru, the demon's eyes alternating between Koji and himself. Not able to take in one person for more than a few seconds. He quickly stood up as he turned to the dhole. "I-I'm fine. Koji, do me favor. Pay for my half of the meal. I. . . I have to go." He rushed, already slowly backing away from the dark haired demon and inching towards the exit. The hanyou turned back towards his husband, seeing him rise from his seat, eyes trained onto his mother as she appeared to plead with him. His heart raced at once again being on the receiving end of the man's unrelenting stare. Inuyasha turned back to Koji, the urge to flee overcoming him. He silently willed for the other to understand, seeing the obvious confusion that held him. "I'm sorry. I really have to go." He offered as a parting word before walking as fast towards the exit as his legs could carry him. His heart was beating in his ears. His legs felt like jelly but he didn't slow down. That was. . That was really. . .

* * *

 **Author's Rant** : Okay, before you cuss me out and throw rocks at me. The way this ended wasn't intentional. I don't enjoy torturing my readers with cliffies (okay, except for that _one_ time). What you imagine in your head isn't always what comes out in your writing. Writing the rest of the reunion between Sesshomaru and Inuyasha would've taken me well past my usual eighteen page mark and it was just too much to try and cram it all into one chapter. Therefore, it'll roll over into the next one.

Hey. Look on the bright side. At least you know some real interaction between them is underway.

See ya in the next one! ^_^


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

* * *

He looked to the right then the left before lightly jogging around the restaurant's building. Opting to get out of immediate sight and make his way onto the street. Ignoring the looks he received as he headed into the darker spots where Shikon's lights didn't reach as far. Coming to a stop on the sidewalk as he looked both ways down the heavy traffic of the road. Hoping a quick dash across would put space between him and the silver haired pair in the restaurant but that hope was doused as it appeared the roads were filled with speeding vehicles.

He turned to his left, stepping forward to walk away only to let out a gasp at the hand that wrapped around his arm. The unexpected opposite force making him wince. Keeping his head bowed as the larger body pulled him back towards the restaurant. Lightly tugging on his arm as they walked only to be pulled flush against the tall figure. The silver haired man's pace fast and full of purpose. The hanyou suddenly finding his back slammed up against the side of Shikon. Head turning at the face that came to invade his personal space. His fingers uselessly digging into the hard foundation behind him.

"Can't even look at me, Inuyasha." The cool words holding the barest hint of anger. The demon seemingly intent on getting the other male to look him in the eyes.

No he couldn't. He couldn't deal with the anger he'd see there. The hurt he undoubtedly caused. Though it seemed he had no choice when long digits came to grip around his chin. Heaving a deep breath at the searching amber eyes over his face. As if having a hard time processing the fact the other was indeed standing right before him. Those brilliant pools of gold going down to the wetness that ran over his fingers before meeting his eyes. Making to look away but those fingers didn't hesitate to turn his face back around to face him.

"Even now," the demon started softly. "You still choose to run away from your problems."

His lip trembled and he bit into it. Knowing what the golden eyes that looked down would see. He could feel the blood flowing down his chin and Sesshomaru pulled his hand away to stare down at the blood and tears staining his fingertips before looking back to him. Gingerly placing his hands on either side of his head. Leaning down with all the seriousness of the world in his eyes.

"Do you have any idea. . . what your leaving did to me?" Sesshomaru asked with the slightest furrow of his dark brows. His whispered words hard. Steely and unforgiving as he stared back at the glossy eyed hanyou. "How much I agonized myself with the thought that something might've happened to you. The lengths I went to find you."

His eyes slipped closed but the hand that wrapped around his face and tilted his head back made him gasp. Eyes flying open to look into intense golden orbs. Sesshomaru lightly shaking his head of silver as he looked him over. "No. You don't get to look away from this," He told him. "Had I known you were this cowardly. . ."

He swallowed before his lips parted in a heavy shuddering breath as he was forced to look into his husband's angered eyes. Behind the eerily calm mask lay the hurt and rage his actions evoked. And he could see it staring into him. Seeing what he'd done made his innermost feelings spill forth. "I'm—I'm sorry." He whispered.

Sesshomaru's mouth twisting to the side as if pained. "Don't."

He took a deep breath. "I'm sor—"

"Don't!" The silver haired demon yelled as his free hand struck the wall beside his head. The foundation giving away under the blow. Inuyasha flinching as if expecting to be struck. The scent of the dog demon's blood heavy as he pulled his hand away. His eyes crazed as his calm mask of control slipped. "Anything that passes your lips are lies, Inuyasha. I often wondered why your leaving was so easy for you. Things fall so easily when held together by lies."

"That's. . . that's not true," he gasped with a shake of his head. "I loved y—"

His breath taken from him as he was forced to look up at the dark sky above them. The unshed tears quickly falling down his cheeks at the hand that stole his breath. His hands scratching at Sesshomaru's grip for release as the dog demon leaned his head closer to his.

"And that would be the biggest lie of them all." His words oddly gentle despite the darkness that lurked underneath. "You will not utter your false truths to me, Inuyasha." The demon calmly staring into his wide eyes—his own face blank—before easing the pressure. His chest heaving as he sucked in the air that filled his body. Turning wide, disbelieving eyes his husband's way as he took in the blank stare directed back his way. Fear of a different sort growing inside him. The demon's eyes narrowed as he searched his face as if hoping to get a peek into what he was thinking then.

The sound of shoes scuffling the ground heard but paid little mind until the words that registered turned his head to the source.

"Inuyasha?" The dhole asked with confused eyes as he looked between the two. The distant light highlighting his tall frame as he made to step closer.

"No, Koji," he gasped. "Stay back, okay? I-I'm fine."

The dark haired man stopped in his tracks.

"You make everyone fall for you, Inuyasha." The dog's voice spoke up. "They fall for you and then you crush them."

"Don't do this." He whispered.

"Let him go," Koji demanded as he stared at the silver haired demon. Sesshomaru's lips quirking to the side in a cruel smile. Paying the dhole no mind.

"I take it you haven't told him." He muttered lowly, a hint of sadism in his eyes as he stared back.

"Sesshomaru—"

"We're married," Sesshomaru cut in, his eyes for the hanyou as he spoke. "He's been legally bound to me for the past sixteen years. Though I haven't laid eyes on him for the past ten years of our marriage. Imagine my surprise when I look over and see him playing whore with someone else."

"That's enough," he bit out shakily with tears in his eyes, anger leaking into his words for the first time since the beginning of their encounter.

"Why, Inuyasha." The demon asked with mock curiosity. "Do you wish to spare your boyfriend's feelings."

"Whatever it is," the dhole spoke up as he neared him. Eyes piercing as he stared into the dog's face. "It's no reason to put your hands on him."

"I see you wasted no time, Inuyasha." Sesshomaru's voice amused but his eyes told a different story. "You've already got him wrapped around your finger."

"That's enough—" Koji's voice firm as he made to place a hand on Sesshomaru's shoulder.

"Lay a finger on my son and your hand will belong to me."

Everyone's head turning to the feminine voice that sprung up from beside them. Chest heaving as he took in his mother in law. Appearing poised in the fitting red dress that wrapped around her tall, slim frame. Still as beautiful as he remembered her being. Keiko's eyes burning into Koji's before she made her way closer to the two dogs. The sound of heels left in her wake. Inuyasha's tear filled eyes tracking her. Her amber orbs looking to him quickly before fixing her attention to her silver haired child. The features passed on to her son growing soft as she watched him.

"I know, Sesshomaru." She spoke softly as she looked up to him. The dog's face burning into Inuyasha's as the hanyou stared back. His vision blurred. "But this is not the time nor the place to handle this now. You have to let him go."

Inuyasha's head tilting back at the barest of pressures that he felt then. The demon's jaw tight before giving a determined shake of his head. "No, mother. He doesn't just get to leave."

She placed a hand on his shoulder, another coming up to wrap around a few of her son's fingers over his neck. Sesshomaru's eyes finally cutting down towards her. "Your not thinking clearly right now, Sesshomaru. I know your upset but this isn't the way to go about it. Let him go." Her words firm despite the soft utterance. Their eyes locked for a few short beats before Sesshomaru's eyes looked back his way. Inuyasha's eyes blinking at the feel of the tight digits gradually loosening their hold. Keiko's eyes meeting with his before looking back toward her son.

The hanyou's face frowning up as he stared at his husband's blank face. His eyes drilling. "Sesshomaru—"

"Nothing," the dog cut in. The look in his eyes hard to read. "That's all you are to me now." He said before his eyes cut over the observant dhole. "He's yours to do with as you please."

Inuyasha's heart trying to beat out of his chest as he watched Sesshomaru turn on his heel. Not knowing what possessed him to reach out for his husband's sleeve but cried out at the arm that roughly pulled away from his touch. Clapping a hand over his mouth as his body gave out. Feeling Koji's arms around him before he fell to the ground. The demon's soft mutterings only half registering in his senses. His heart. . .

"Come on, Inuyasha." Koji muttered softly. "Let's get you out of here."

They ambled their way to the dhole's car. The demon supporting the distraught hanyou as he seemed intent to drown in his sorrows. He'd known. He knew Sesshomaru would look at him like that. He expected those golden eyes to be pained and angry. But to say he never loved him? That their whole relationship had been a lie?

"C'mon, Inuyasha," the dark haired dhole urged. "We're almost there. Just a few more steps."

"I can't," he cried with a shake of his head, eyes on the ground beneath them. Shoulders shaking with his sobs. "It hurts. Koji, it hurts."

Too far gone to care when Koji swooped down to take him completely in his arms. He pressed his face into his neck as the demon closed the last few steps between them and the car. Crying his grief. Only pulling it slightly together when the demon eased him into the passenger seat. The tears silent now as he looked out the window. Not taking note of the bright lights of the metropolis as they rode under the dark sky. He wiped at his face but only to be replaced with more tears. His forehead meshed against the cool window helping with the headache forming.

The car rolled to a stop and he didn't hesitate to reach for the door handle. Ignoring the calling of his name as he ran across the yard and to his mother's door. Opening it up and letting himself in. Leaning against the door as he watched his mother reach for the remote. Muting the television before turning his way with a smile.

"Welcome ho— Inuyasha? Are you alright?"

He'd hoped she'd be asleep but she was the first thing he saw when he entered the living room. Her son's tears and despair the first sight to greet her. She stood up from her seat on the sofa, her brown gaze searching and worried. Seeing her concern making the pain come back ten times over. "Did Koji do something to you? You need to tell me right now, Inuyasha."

He shook his head no, his chest starting to heave as the urge to break down became harder and harder to stave off. She wrapped her arms around him and he lost it. His body was a thrum of vibration as he sobbed into his mother's shoulder, his own hands muffling his cries.

"Shh. Shh. Calm down sweetheart. What is it. What happened?"

She stroked his hair as he attempted to calm himself down. "H-He hates me ma. He hates me." His voice a croak as he managed to get out the words that pierced his heart.

"Who hates you?" She wondered softly with a hint of confusion.

"S-Sess."

"What." She called out, pulling back to stare into her son's face, taking his hands in her own. "You saw him tonight?" She asked, worried.

He nodded, drop of tears running down his chin.

"Oh," she breathed, pulling him into a hug. "I'm so sorry Inuyasha. I'm so sorry."

She pulled away and led them to the couch where she laid his head in her lap, stroking his locks as he cried his heart out. His hand clutching her blue robe like a lost child. He knew Sesshomaru would look at him like that. Just like he'd known he wouldn't be able to handle seeing it there. God, why did his heart hurt like this? He couldn't breathe.

"Sweetheart. Please. You've go to calm down." Came the whispered words, the human's voice sounding suspiciously strangled herself. "Please Inuyasha."

"Mom," he cried helplessly.

"Inuyasha. It's okay. It'll be okay."

He shook his head uselessly, the side of his face plastered in his own tears. He imagined his husband's face and the tears never stopped flowing. Only mutely aware of the fingers combing through his hair. The soft humming mere background noise. All he saw was Sesshomaru's anger. His pain. It haunted him even as it followed him into darkness.

* * *

The knocking on his bedroom door made his head turn, watching his mother peek her gray head inside before venturing in further. He turned his gaze from her as she came and sat on the edge of the mattress. Hating her seeing him in this pitiful state. The worry bothered him too. It made him feel pathetic. Just like when he lost his daughter.

"I told your boss you still weren't feeling well. She says to take the rest of the week off." The human informed him as one hand came up to finger the end of his ashen colored strands. The hanyou huddled under the covers of his bed. Where he'd been for the past two days. Ignoring any and all calls. Especially from Koji, who he suspected got his phone number from Shippo. He'd teared up at the worried voicemail he received before deciding to turn his phone off completely. He knew he owed the dhole an explanation, but he wasn't up to seeing anyone right now. Or wasn't willing to let anyone see him like this.

"Thanks, ma." He whispered as he finally turned to look at her. The woman sending him a smile that didn't meet her chocolate eyes as she retracted her hand.

"You can't lay up like this, Inuyasha." She told him gently. "This isn't doing you any good, sweetheart."

"I know, mom. I'm just so tired." He mumbled. It was like living a never-ending nightmare each and every day. Sleeping so his mind didn't have to think about what happened. Sometimes his thoughts followed him into his dreams. Becoming nightmares. He'd gotten restless sleep at best. But it was better than laying with just his thoughts as company.

"Well, I'm making breakfast and would very much enjoy your company this morning." She said pleasantly, a hint of a tease behind her smile as she attempted to brighten his spirits. He eyed her. He didn't want to. He just wanted to become magically lost under all these covers but he nodded. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do for his mother.

"Thank you." She said with a pointed single nod of her head. She pat his thigh before standing up from the mattress. "Now, go take a shower while I finish up downstairs."

"Yes, ma'am." He muttered tiredly, lifting his lips at the look she sent him over her shoulder. The old woman sending a sad smile of her own—the look in her brown eyes saying their was something she wanted to say—before turning and leaving the bedroom without a word.

His body felt so heavy. It would've been so easy to lie back down and hide from the world but as he'd learned, that didn't make his problems disappear. He stood up, grabbing a pair of black jeans and a white v neck tee. Walking into the bathroom and setting his clothing on the counter before taking the time to plait his locks in one long tail. Letting it fall over his shoulder before proceeding to strip out of his clothing. Mind already drifting to the one thing that seemed to take center stage in his mind the last couple of days. Sesshomaru.

He turned to the shower before climbing inside. Distractedly cleaning his body as he thought of how his husband had been so cold. Dying inside at the remembrance of the look in those golden eyes that used to look to him with such adoration. His lips tilting upwards before he caught himself. Only to disappear at remembering what took residence in his husband's eyes now at seeing him. His eyes prickling before turning his face under the shower head.

He knew the reunion with the dog demon wouldn't have been a joyous occasion but he hadn't been ready. To deal with the hurt he'd caused in the only man he ever loved. He owed Sesshomaru so much. . . but seeing him had made him want to do nothing but put as much space between them as possible.

His first response had been to run away. Was that really his defense mechanism? To run from everything that would hurt him.

Cowardly. He hadn't tried to refute the demon's words then and he wouldn't now. Their had been so much he wanted to say but seeing the affect he'd had on Sesshomaru held his tongue. Everything that the demon had spoken that night had slashed away at him. Hearing more than necessary might've broken him beyond repair. He couldn't face any harsh words. Not from him. God, he really was a coward wasn't he?

But. . .to think he never loved him. Truly. Had that been the anger speaking or had he truly felt that way? If so, he was wrong. He was so very wrong.

Was it pathetic of him that despite having the demon's hand around his throat taking his air, he'd gladly endure it again just to be where Sesshomaru was? The first time he'd been close to the dog demon in years. And it hadn't mattered Sesshomaru had wanted to hurt him whereas their used to be a time where the dog would never even dream of doing such. If it took Sesshomaru hurting him to lessen his pain—the hurt he caused—it was a small price to pay.

He turned at hearing his mother call out to him and he turned off the shower spray. Climbing out and donning his change of clothes before walking out. Throwing the dirtied clothes into the hamper and opening up the window before going to join his mother downstairs. The brightness making him squint his eyes after days of being in darkness.

He took a seat at the table, reaching for the pile of mail that sat towards the center. Going through it and stopping on a large white packet. His name and his mother's home listed on the address. Eyes flying up to eye the black lettering toward the top of the large packet.

"Ma," he started, finally ripping his eyes from the mail to watch her back. "Did you go through the mail before you brought it in?"

"Hm? Oh no, dear. I just set it down. I had to get back to cooking." She said distractedly, humming to herself as she went about preparing breakfast.

"Okay," he whispered as he turned his attention back to the mail. Dread settling in his gut the longer he eyed the mail between his hands. Looking up at the plate of food that came to rest before him. His mother's eyes trained onto the package he held before her eyes met his gaze. Settling into her own seat.

"What is it," she asked gingerly, seeming to sense his reaction to seeing what he held. Please, he thought as he used a claw to open up the package. Pulling out the sheets that lay inside. Eyes quickly roving the pages as he went through the papers. Tears welling in his eyes at the words that seemed to pop out at him almost mockingly. Chest twisting painfully at every string of black lettering before him. Throwing them down carelessly before setting his face in his hands.

"Inuyasha. Sweetheart, what is it?" Her voice helpless. Unable to answer her with the lump in his throat. Tears silently running as he listened to her reach across the table for one of the papers. Silence overtaking the space as she herself processed what he'd just read.

"Oh Inuyasha," she breathed helplessly. "I'm so sorry." Her lips parting but no more words spilled forth. Shaking her head to herself as she sat there uselessly.

"This is not happening." He said with a shake of his head as he finally lifted his head toward her. "Mom, this is not happening. Tell me. . .tell me. . ." He cried, eyes closing with a strained expression as the tears lined down his face.

"I-I—" she started before cutting her words short. Hearing her lost as to what to say causing him to breakdown. This was real. And he wasn't ready for this. Not for any of it.

A mantra of 'no' running through his mind before he suddenly stood up from his seat. Gathering the papers in hand with a look of determination on his face. His mother stood as well, worry in her eyes.

"Inuyasha. What are you doing?"

He cut his eyes her way but his hands didn't pause as he made to put the forms back into the large packet. "I thought we'd at least be able to talk about this before he presented me with these," heart in his throat as his shook his head. "We haven't talked about a damn thing and he's already serving me." Holding onto the anger that thought caused. Using it as the push behind him to see this through.

"Inuyasha. I know you never wanted a divorce, but you've said it yourself that you knew your marriage was over. Forgive me if I sound insensitive dear, but you knew that this could become a reality. You made it seem as if you'd be better able to handle this."

"Yeah, well maybe I lied," the hanyou snapped before he could think to mind his tongue. The myriad of emotions pumping through his system getting the best of him. Looking up to see his mother's head turn away from him. He let out a breath, dropping the papers before making his way over to her. Pulling her into a hug. "I'm sorry ma. I shouldn't have said that. It wasn't the truth. I thought I would be able to handle this eventually." Pulling away to stare at her. "When I said it, it was the truth. Maybe I was deluding myself the whole time because right now. . .the thought of losing Sesshomaru literally pains me. He's. . .he's not someone you can just get over." He finished with a helpless shrug.

"I know. But I don't think running off to see him is the best thing for you to do right now. You still haven't gotten a grip on your emotions. To really digest this. Give it some time and decide if confronting him is really what you want to do." She shook her head, a distant look growing in her eyes. "When you came in from your date with Koji. . .you were—" falling quiet as she looked to her son. "I hated seeing you like that. And their was nothing I could do to help your pain."

"Oh ma," he breathed before pulling her into another shorter hug. Holding her tight before leaving her embrace. "I can't wait. He's angry and he'll do everything in his power to get this divorce done quickly. I really don't think I have the time to wait." Hoping she understood as he went back to the table to pick up the package and up the stairs to grab his leather jacket and put on his shoes.

* * *

"I need to see Sesshomaru." He told the receptionist before placing his hands against the desk. A quick look around confirming everything appeared different from when he'd last set foot in his husband's company.

"Your name sir?" Came the pleasant sounding inquiry as ocean blue eyes looked up his way.

"Inuyasha Shimizu."

The human woman nodding as her manicured fingers went flying over the keyboard. Her eyes glued to whatever was on the screen before finally ripping her gaze away to look back to him. "I'm sorry sir but your name isn't on the list of permitted visitors. And their are no scheduled appointments in place. I would be more than happy to set up an appoint—"

"I don't need an appointment to see my husband. Just let him know I'm here."

"I'm sorry sir but I'm under strict orders not to allow anyone not on the list— hey! you can't do that."

"He's still on this floor, right?" He asked her as he bypassed the desk and down the hallway behind her. Her heels quick to follow behind him as he reached his hand for the first door on his right. A quick peek inside confirming a currently empty office.

"Sir, your not allowed to be back here."

He ignored her, opening up yet another door, earning surprised eyes from a dark haired demoness before he shut the door between them once more. Already walking forward to open up the next. Having no clue as to where his husband was located on this floor. Everything appeared to be renovated. Different from when he'd often visit the dog here. It was like walking through a maze.

"This is absurd. I'm calling security."

Good riddance. The young red headed human backtracking over the navy blue carpet toward the lobby as he opened up yet another door and quickly closing it back. Making to open the next before finally taking note of the large set of double doors at the far end of the hall. His fingers dropping from the doorknob he had his hand around before walking toward the doors that pulled him in like a siren. His golden eyes trained onto them only as he neared. Heart picking up speed as he knew that his husband lay just beyond those doors.

He came to a stop before the brown wood, making to knock before quickly putting his hand down. Unconsciously smoothing a hand over his ashen tresses before pushing open one of the doors and softly shutting it behind him. Stilling as he'd seen he'd immediately earned the attention of amber eyes that sat behind the desk. The silver haired dog's lips moving as he spoke into the phone. Golden eyes boring into him as his conversation never faltered despite seeing his husband before him now. He took a deep breath, pushing from his perch against the door and closing the space between them. Watching himself be watched before turning his gaze around him. Different. Everything was different. An almost feminine touch about the large space.

The documents in hand suddenly feeling much heavier as he turned back to Sesshomaru at hearing his goodbye to the man he spoke to over the phone. Smiling at the good-natured laugh that left the dog before the silver haired man placed the phone back in its cradle. All traces of amusement gone from his eyes as he looked to the hanyou. Standing up from his seat before making his way around towards him. Inuyasha's head tilting back as the man seemed to loom over him but he didn't pull away.

The dog's eyes over him as if trying to figure out what stood before him before both heads turned at the sound of the doors opening. Head whipping back toward the dog at seeing the receptionist followed in by two large demon security guards. Sesshomaru's eyes cutting toward him and he sent pleading eyes back his way. The demon appearing to war with himself before turning to the trio. Inuyasha watching them leave the room at the silent prompt. The red head's blue eyes looking to him in disapproval before the doors closed between them. Breathing out in relief before turning back to piercing eyes.

"I could've had you escorted out of here. I hope your reason for being here doesn't make me regret not going with my first mind."

Unable to help but take in the husband he left behind. As he stood before him in the light of day. Somehow appearing even more majestic than when he'd last seen him. His faint dose of cologne reaching out for him as he stood in a white button down that teased the expanse of pale skin around his throat. The sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Black slacks adorned his tall athletic build. Silver strands brushed to perfection and laying in a stream down his back. Able to appreciate the man before him as he hadn't been in the right frame of mind to do so at Shikon nights ago. Looking every bit like the man he married. Only the lack of warmth in those pools of amber marring the image before him. The slight raise of a dark brow reminding him he had yet to speak.

"Divorce?" He questioned, voice not coming out as strongly as he'd intended. "All this time without seeing me and we're not going to talk about this? Your just ready to walk away from this without hearing me out? Just like that?" A disbelieving shake of his head as he stared up into his husband's stripped face.

"You act is if I'm supposed to be happy that your back, Inuyasha," the demon stated with a slight tilt of his head, as if truly curious. "As far as discussions go, I see no point in doing so. It will change nothing between us. You've made your standing on your view of me quite clear when you left, Inuyasha. The value you placed on our union. I've accepted it and I've moved on from it. There is no point in discussing our past."

"Nothing." He said in disbelief, not willing to believe his husband had little to say to him after being gone for ten years.

"Nothing." The demon reiterated with an casual air.

He was stumped. Wondering why it was harder to accept being spoken so casually to by the man he'd once shared so much with. A far cry from the man who'd caught him outside the restaurant. The anger and the hurt he'd seen. Felt. It was enough to make him breathless at seeing all that directed his way. Knowing he'd been the cause of it all. But it'd be preferable than what he was being given now. This man now. . .appeared to hold nothing at all for him and that was worse. Anger and hurt meant he felt something. That their was a reason he still felt that way after all this time. To not care meant he didn't care enough about him to feel anything at all. Not even hatred. He came up short: wondering which face was a true reflection to what the dog felt. What did Sesshomaru really feel towards him? This mask staring back at him. . . he didn't know this man.

"Nothing at all," he tried again.

"Why are you so inclined to discuss this now? You seemed to have lost the ability for speech outside of Shikon." The demon leaned back against the edge of his desk with a fold of his arms. The perfect picture of nonchalance

"It. . .caught me by surprise. Seeing you and moth— Keiko." He hurriedly corrected at the narrowed eyed look sent his way. "It surprised me." God, he wished he could get a read on what the other was feeling. Thinking. Something. Because being so close to him and not be able to reach out for him was torture.

He watched golden eyes drift down and he looked down as well, forgetting he'd even held the divorce papers. He lifted them up before placing them on the desk and turning back to Sesshomaru.

"There was little reason for you to come to me, Inuyasha. It is why I opted to mail you the documents." The dog's eyes glued to the white packet beside him before looking back to the hanyou.

"I'd say there's a lot of reason," he whispered with a few slow nods of his head. "Because if I do what your asking me to do. . .that's sixteen years of marriage down the drain. After all we've been through. . . I'm not willing to let that go." He finished lowly, his words watery. Taking a deep breath as he looked away from the dog's drilling gaze. As if the demon were trying to figure him out.

"Correction," Sesshomaru's voice pierced him as it rang out throughout the office. "You already let it go. When you left, you let me go. There is no longer anything to hold on to. My life. . .is no longer revolved around what you want. It seems to me you only think of yourself. I think you've failed to consider I don't want to be tied to you anymore."

His eyes blinked as he looked away, but no amount of effort in trying to hold the tears back would take away the tight feeling over his chest. "In some ways I was selfish. . .I can admit that. The shame I felt at not being able to protect my baby. Our baby. . .I couldn't get away from it. Seeing you everyday. . .I was constantly reminded of what we had lost. But to say I only left because of it wouldn't be the whole truth. I did leave with everyone's best interest in mind. Yours especially."

"This isn't necessary nor are your explanations wanted." The demon stated quickly. In a way that came across as dismissal but he'd heard the note of discomfort in his husband's tone. The demon's turn of head letting him know his words had touched something within Sesshomaru.

He shook his head. He would say this. His glossy orbs watching the dog leave his perch against the desk to go and stand beside his chair. Putting space between them. "I left because I loved you and I know you seeing me like that caused you pain. And I was tired. . .of seeing you hurting because of me. I wanted to. . . to feel again. Be there for you but I couldn't. You deserved so much better than what I was giving you."

"For you to presume your leaving was best for me. . ." Watching Sesshomaru's jaw tighten before giving a light shake of his head. "I didn't want better. You, Inuyasha. You were what I wanted."

He placed a hand over his mouth but quickly brought it back down. Not willing to completely breakdown right at this moment. "I'm so sorry," the tears he'd been holding back finally making itself known. Swiping at his face before settling his hands over the edge of the desk. "Ya know. . .I could say it a thousand times over and it wouldn't even begin to express just how I feel for hurting you. I am. . .so sorry."

"I've heard you. . . and it changes nothing." Sesshomaru's stripped face uncaring as his hands lifted slightly in the air in a gesture that backed his expression. "I will be going forward with the divorce. This is something you need to accept."

"Well I can't do that," he started resolutely with a shake of his head, his frustrations leaking through. "You are all I know. How do I move on from that? I've lost Aya. I lose you and I have nothing. I am nothing." He placed his face into his hands, his breath shaky as he focused on calming the racing in his chest. His eyes narrowed before looking back up towards the observant dog demon. "Sesshomaru, I still lo—"

"Love," Sesshomaru cut in lowly with piercing eyes. An unreadable look on his face. The hint of bitterness behind that one word tangible. "You don't know love. There was a time when I would have sworn what we had transcended such an emotion. What it was I felt for you, there was no name for. There was nothing I wouldn't have done for you, Inuyasha. If you desired something, it was yours whether you voiced it aloud or otherwise. If I thought of something I imagined would bring you happiness, I did it without question. You made me feel those things. And what did you do, Inuyasha."

He looked down from the intensity directed his way. Why did he ever think he'd be ready for this? Those last few spoken words quiet and filled with pain. The look of pain in those eyes he never wanted to see. He'd hurt this man and he had to face that reality. He swallowed past the lump in his throat, shaking his head. "Just because I left didn't mean I didn't love you anymore, Sesshomaru."

Sesshomaru leaned his tall frame forward, placing either of his hands over his desk as he moved closer toward the hanyou. Inuyasha looking back into eyes that seemed to bore into him. No warmth there. Face hard and unforgiving. "What. . .did you do."

A fresh wave of tears left his eyes but he didn't look away. "I left." He whispered, speaking the truth Sesshomaru was seeking from him. Stomach twisting at the quick flash of hurt he saw staring back at him.

"I was nothing for a long time, Inuyasha. I lost our daughter too. She was my daughter too. I hurt. . . but you were barely managing to keep yourself together. But I'd have rather had you there than somewhere I couldn't find you. Even in your pain, knowing I still had you and I wasn't alone helped me get through the day. You didn't give me a choice when you left. Not only did I lose Aya, I lost you. I was forced to adapt to a world you weren't apart of. I had to learn how to move on from you because their were no other options." The head of white looking down at the hand that pushed the divorce papers back his way before looking back into a clash of amber. "If you ever," the dog stressed. "held any real emotion for me, you will sign these forms and allow me to move forward with my life. Do this one selfless act."

"You really believe I never loved you?" He started lowly with a swallow. The lump in his throat still there. "Even before we had Aya, that was a lie?" He demanded to know, rising anger clouding his senses as he looked into the silver haired dog's face. "I must be one hell of an actor to keep up six years of marriage."

"If you could leave so easily, then you clearly didn't feel as strongly for me as I did for you." The demon's words holding a slight edge. His face losing its stony expression and becoming more irritated as he stared back. Matching the hanyou's ire equally.

He looked over Sesshomaru's face. He really didn't know just how hard it had been for him to leave. But he'd thought that was the one thing the man would be sure about if nothing else. His love for him.

"I love you," he said firmly. Not going to be apologetic for his feelings. If the dog really held such a doubt than he would just have to remind him, wouldn't he? Watching Sesshomaru's crimson lids close.

"Inuyasha," the dog started, suddenly taking on the aura of a man weary.

"I love you." He said again, watching as golden eyes looked his way.

"Stop it."

"I. Love. You."

"Inuya—"

"Love you." He stated with a quirk of a dark brow. His face serious.

Sesshomaru's eyes narrowing as he straightened out to his towering height, eyes just as serious. "Lies."

His eyes spilled over tears. "Still love you."

Their eyes locked as the demon made to step around his desk and he ran in the opposite direction. Keeping an equal amount of space between them. Stepping in time to the dog's slow steps as he circled around the piece of furniture.

"This is ridiculous."

"No, you trying to diminish what we had based off one mistake is ridiculous." He countered, stopping his retreat at seeing the dog still. "You have every right to be angry at me, but trying to downplay our relationship is nothing but a lie. To yourself and to me."

"Why are you doing this?" The dog demanded to know as he resumed his steps. The hanyou noticing and making sure to stay in time with him. Both stopping at opposite ends of the desk. "What are you hoping to gain by acting childish? A sudden change of heart? If anything, I thought you'd jump at the opportunity to be free of me. You'd be free to be with your lover."

His brows furrowed before realization dawned on him. "Koji is just a friend."

Sesshomaru's face unchanging. "Either way, it makes little difference to me. Once the divorce is finalized, your life will be separate from mine."

"No." The word coming out louder than he meant in his desperation.

"No?" The demon questioned with a narrow of his eyes. "There is nothing you can do to stop this."

His chest heaved because he knew Sesshomaru was right. Because if Sesshomaru really wanted a divorce, there was little he could do to stop it. No amount of stalling could prevent the inevitable.

"I'm done entertaining this." Sesshomaru spoke before reaching for the phone on his desk. Inuyasha's eyes widening before racing around to prevent him from calling security. Gasping out in pain at the tight hold that came to encircle his upper arm. The demon's eyes hard and trained onto him as he placed the phone back on the hook.

"It's over." Sesshomaru told him and he shook his head.

"I love you," he whined, placing every morsel of desperation he felt into those words. The tears making his view of the silver haired man distorted.

"Will you stop saying that," The demon's frustration spoken through gritted teeth.

"You may not want to hear it but that doesn't make it any less true." Wincing at the harsh squeeze he received, the look in the demon's eyes cold. "It makes you feel better, doesn't it? Hurting me." He breathed before stepping flush against his husband. Their eyes connected. Feeling the racing of the heart that matched his own. "Hurt me," he said lowly. Enticing. "It's what you need to feel better, right? Then do it." He hadn't planned on doing any of this. To plead for another chance hadn't been his intention these past few months. He'd wanted to talk but not about possibly getting back together. He'd convinced himself he had to let Sesshomaru go. . . but being here before him now just brought forth a rush of emotions. He was barely holding back from going forth and holding him. To feel Sesshomaru on his skin like they used to. He. . . still wanted that. This wasn't a man he could just let go without trying. And he was desperate. So whatever it took.

Sesshomaru's eyes squinting as if considering something before the indifferent mask slipped back into place. Looking to the hanyou as his hold gradually loosened. "Make this easier on yourself. . . and sign the papers." His voice steely as he walked back around his desk.

He turned, watching the demon walk away from him. Lips parting to further plead his case but came up short at one of the office doors opening. Ducking his head away to quickly bring a hand up to wipe away the wetness plastered there before turning to see who had the nerve to enter his husband's office with no forewarning. Locking eyes with an attractive dark haired demoness who entered with a curious stare his way. Dressed in a fitting white dress and red pumps. Her hips swaying to her own rhythm as she walked further inside. Her cerise colored eyes flashing towards him before closing the remaining distance between her and the silent silver haired demon. Inuyasha turning with her, wondering who this woman was.

A pool of dead weight settling in the pit of his gut as the demoness stretched a hand out toward Sesshomaru and he reached for it without hesitation as she pressed against him fully. A peaceful smile blooming over her face at the kiss planted on her head from the man before her.

Head tilting to himself as he looked down away from them. Not willing to believe. . .

"I told you I would meet you at the restaurant." The silver haired man's words holding an unspoken question in them. Voice deep with a hint of softness as he stared down at her.

"Yes, but I thought we could ride over together. I don't mind waiting." Her voice light with a hint of a natural husk. "Forgive the interruption."

Inuyasha let out an audible shaky breath, raising his head to lock eyes with Sesshomaru before the other turned to look down at the woman. "It was an unexpected arrival. Kagura, meet Inuyasha." His voice far from pleased at the introduction and the woman's head whirled around to look at him. Knowing by the recognition there he'd been a topic of discussion between them. Her eyes suddenly drawn to the envelope on the desk. Her head of pinned up ebony turning back to the demon.

"Has he signed them?"

He let out a huff of disbelieving laughter at that. "Why the hell is that any of your concern?" He demanded to know, looking to her even though his words drew the attention of two pairs of eyes.

Her eyes turning to him and her face saying just how unimpressed she was by what she saw. "It's very much my concern. Whatever concerns my fiancé concerns me as well."

"Excuse me," he stated with a sharpness.

"Oh you heard right, dear." She said as if only too happy to explain it to him. His eyes drawn to the left hand that suddenly came into his view. Her eyes locking with his as she held her delicate hand up for his inspection. The rock diamond on her ring finger impossible to miss. "As of a few nights ago, I am now engaged to Sesshomaru Shimizu. Soon to be wife," she bit out harshly.

"Engaged," he whispered to himself as he locked eyes with Sesshomaru. Wishing he knew what the other was thinking because he couldn't tell by looking at him. "Your engaged?" He asked him. Wondering why his husband hadn't seen it fit to mention that vital detail while he was pouring his heart out. The demon not saying a word as he stared back. "We're still married." He continued at not receiving an answer.

"Not for much longer." Kagura informed him with a coldness around her as she reached for the packet holding the divorce papers. Handing it out towards him. "All you need to do is sign your name and you'll be free to go back to whatever it is you've been doing all these years." He snatched the envelope from her with an irritated look before turning searching eyes Sesshomaru's way.

"And this. . .this is really what you want?"

The demon's jaw visibly ticking for a brief moment but still, he said nothing.

"Of course it's what he wants," the demoness told him as if thinking him stupid for even asking such a question. "Why would he go back to you after you left him. You don't deserve him."

"Will you shut up," he stressed her way as he turned his head, her eyes flashing.

"How dare you—"

"Kagura," both heads whipping towards the dog demon before turning to face the other once more. Raising a brow in response to the narrowed look sent his way. The demoness marching back over to the demon, her lowering her voice proving to be a wasted effort.

"Sesshomaru. He has to sign the papers sweetheart. What if he disappears again before he signs off."

Heart wincing in a murmur of pain at witnessing Sesshomaru grab her hands in his own. Placing a kiss on each one and he looked down. Focusing on his breathing. Stilling at the declaration from Sesshomaru that he would, in fact, sign off on the petition. He. . . he had his answer. Biting into his lip so hard blood leaked down onto the desk. Watching it drip down as he staved off the urge to cry. He refused to do it in front of her.

His scrambling across the top of the desk for the pen he saw there causing silence to take over the room. A concoction of emotions drawing forth his actions. Ripping the papers from the envelope as he wrote his name down where the documents required his signature. Only the furious scratching of the pen over the paper filling the space. Blood splattering over the documents, feeling the two demons watching him. Tossing the pen back carelessly as he picked up the papers. Finally looking to the two observers of his small audience. Holding them up as he looked into a mirror of amber. "This is what you want," his voice strangled and obviously resisting the urge to bawl his eyes out. The silver haired demon's eyes drawn to the papers being held in the air before giving his attention back onto the brokenhearted hanyou. Inuyasha taking a calming visible breath before placing the papers back into the white packaging. Face more closed as he looked towards the dog demon. "You'll be hearing from my lawyer. Congratulations," he told them coldly before turning on his heel and leaving the office. Barely keeping it together as he walked away from them.

It was only once the doors shut closed behind him did he allow the sobs to leave him.

* * *

"Isn't this great?" Came the joyous bubble of laughter from the dark haired demoness as soon as the white haired male left through the brown doors. She turned bright orbs the silver haired dog's way. "You can finally be free of him and we'll be able to move on with our lives." Feeling the arms that encircled his waist as his eyes stayed glued toward the door as his body automatically responded in kind to the woman's presence against him.

Eyes glued to the spot his husband was last seen before looking down into watchful bright orbs. "Your right," he told her suddenly, leaning down to press a quick kiss into her pink lips before pulling Kagura into an close embrace. Her arms coming up around him as he turned his attention back onto the doors of the office. Golden eyes shining with moisture. Clear droplets running down his face in a silent stream. White strands spilling down his slim sturdy frame. Beautifully sad. Still gorge—

His eyes widened, immediately stilling that train of thought.

"Hey, are you alright?" Kagura asked before pulling back to stare him in the face.

The dog looked down, seeing the worry in her eyes. "Kagura, let's schedule lunch for another time. I have no desire to be amongst strangers right now."

She waved a manicured hand as if to say forget it. "Of course. Do you wanna head home early?"

He shook his head, "I think it's best if I keep busy." He spoke as he walked over to sit at his chair, reaching for the pen there.

"Okay, well there are some things I need to see to anyway. But call me if you need me and I'll come righ—"

His lips pulled to the side in a small smirk, the dark haired woman stopping at seeing it aimed her way. "I'll be fine. I'll see you at home."

"Alright," her lips curling upward before strutting to close the distance between them. Pressing a kiss against his forehead. "I'll see you later." Her voice soft as she looked to him, abruptly turning from him and heading toward the doors. Shutting it softly behind her as she disappeared.

The sound of pen across paper filling the space for a short moment, but eventually silence reigned. The words before him becoming blurred, unable to concentrate. He dropped the pen before slumping back into his seat. Hands over his face as he focused on willing away the tight feeling in his chest. It was almost painful.

He brought his hands down, staring forward unseeingly. The hanyou a gift that just kept on giving. As soon as he was convinced he could move forward with his life. . . that there was a life outside of his missing spouse.

Inuyasha had come back.

* * *

His red shot eyes cut over at seeing the front door open, his mother's face staring back at him from her spot on the porch. The clear glass between them not marring the concern peering into him.

He looked away from her. Wishing he'd heeded her earlier words. He'd been running on a high amount of emotions. His innermost feelings flying forth with no restraint. He'd been desperate. He reached over for the divorce papers that lied in the passenger seat. Eyeing them as he thought of all he soon would be facing.

He was done holding on to a hopeless marriage.

He hadn't meant it. Writing down his name on these papers. It was the last thing he wanted to do. Seeing her had made him react that way. Jealousy made him reach for that pen. Hurt and anger pushing him to see it through. Refusing to appear weak in front of the couple.

A sarcastic huff of laughter leaving him as he shook his head but no more left him. Being in that office was a real eye opener. He may not want a divorce but maybe it was for the best. Sesshomaru didn't want to be tied to him anymore. He'd said so himself.

Closing his eyes against the automatic sting that thought caused but he was currently all out of tears. "You win," he whispered into the closed space. Not knowing exactly who or what he was addressing. Sesshomaru. The universe. His own shattered hope. But he couldn't keep carrying around this pain anymore. It's why he'd come home. He was tired of hurting all the time. To fix his wrongs. And their was just one more to right.

He couldn't get his husband back but he could do this one last thing for him. One selfless act. To make him happy. He owed Sesshomaru a lot. He didn't wanna be selfish anymore. And maybe unloading his feelings onto the silver haired demon had been.

He opened his eyes, opening the driver's side door before climbing out and making his way toward the gray haired woman. Aside from a quick smile his mother's way, he didn't linger around. He passed by her, opting to head upstairs to his room and softly close the door behind him.

He was tired and he walked over to sit on the mattress. Not lying back into the softness like his body yearned to do. He pulled out his cellphone, dialing in the number to his lawyer before he looked down at the package in hand.

He would do this. This one last thing for his husband. And hope his poker face would be enough to get through it all.

* * *

 **AN** : Y'all ready?


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